a better post coming soon

I am so wanting to tell you all about the Lori Mckenna concert and our dreamy romantic cabin at Sundance but my life has been so busy with the kids, and every thing else. I did practice with Danny today. I feel so relieved that he actually came over to practice. I don't want to be up on that stage alone. He is so busy so sometimes I wonder if I'll ever see him again.  We are performing for Bountiful Summerfest on August 5th. I will be singing at 4:15 at the Bountiful City Park. I will have demo cd's for sale. 10cents each. Just kidding, I don't know how much my recording studio wants to sell them for. I ain't doing this for money so whatever. If you want to come hear me and you are nice and will clap and smile at me then please come! But only if you are nice and will clap loud to keep me from  screaming and running off the stage and driving home and getting into bed to cry. Hopefully I'll have time tomorrow to blog.  I have some great pictures and stories. :)

First Date Day

July 22 1997 is the day Nate and I met. 

We were set up on a blind date by our friends. 

My great friend Shalice married his great friend Brandon. They met while attending BYU. 

Brandon and Shalice get married.

Shalice in high school. I couldn't find a picture of her with Brandon

 I am serving a LDS mission in Illinois at  the time.

 I get home and within the first month I'm home Shalice's mom Renae says to me.

 "You should go out with Nate Morris, Brandon's friend."

 I say. "How tall is he? I have a 6ft minimum." 

(I am 5. 9' and didn't like being taller than my date)  

Renae says he is 6ft.

 I say, "I have a bad haircut, I'm really white (back then being tan was a hobby)  and I have nothing to wear.

 I just want to hang out with Natalie and Alicia".

Alicia and Natalie

Over the next few months Renae, Shalice and even Brandon start telling me I should go out with Nate Morris. 

When I would see Renae at church she would tease "I have your husband for you" 

 After I  had been home 11 months, hung out with Natalie and Alicia, got a better hair do,bought some cute clothes, got a tan and had dated some interesting boys.......

 I was finally ready to take them up on the Nate Morris offer.

 I told them to go ahead and set up the date.  

July 22, 1997. We doubled with Brandon and Shalice. 

We met up with Nate so the four of us could drive up to Park City together.

 He pulled up in his mom's old red Jeep Cherokee. 

 Shalice had told me he taught soccer camps for kids, made log furniture and worked  as assistant manager in a warehouse for a lighting company so he could pay for his BYU tuition. 

This information told me a lot about him. I was impressed. 

He walked over to our car. I checked him out.

 He was tan and fit. He was dressed in clothes that were nice enough but not expensive. 

Definitely not a guy who over spent or over thought on his clothes. I liked this.  

He talked to Brandon and Shalice most of the way up.

 I just watched him. Noticed every detail. 

When we arrived we walked a little to the Restaurant. 

I really liked the way he walked. 

We sat down and ordered. 

By the time our food came I was in love with him.

 I'm not exaggerating.  

He made these jokes that were quirky and a little goofy.

 I felt like I just understood him and his quirky humor. 

His blue eyes were sparkly and his face was an expression of fun and kind mixed together. 

Walking out of the restaurant I couldn't get close enough to him. 

I was walking so close behind him out the door I was bumping into him. 

We went and got a caramel apple. We shared one. I loved sharing with him. 

I felt completely comfortable, like I'd known him always but at the same time he was so new and beautiful and wonderful to me that I felt euphoric.

 He was really good friends with Shalice and I almost envied how they had been friends for a couple years and had these fun college memories together.

 I watched them laugh and talk  and wished I had memories with him.

By the time he walked me up to my front porch I was so in love.

 I invited him up to my friends cabin with me.

 I had already invited a different guy that I was dating at the time but I didn't care I had to just invite him.

 He couldn't go but he invited me to go with him to Bear Lake for his family reunion. I said yes. 

We gave each other a hug and said what a fun time we had.

The date only lasted 3 1/2 hours. In that short amount of time my life completely changed.

 I went in  the house and went upstairs. I sat on my parents bed and kissed them goodnight so I could wake them up and tell them I found him! 

He is the one!  

Here we are. We had been dating about a month at this point. 

We got married that December. 

Since December is a crazy month we usually do something to celebrate our first date day.

Guess what we are doing?

 No we are not going to Park City with Brandon and Shalice but one of these years we will! 

I bought tickets to see Lori Mckenna. She is coming to Sundance Resort in Provo Utah. We are staying over night. I am so excited to be with Nate but I must admit I'm just as excited to see Lori Mckenna live. 

She is such a good friend of mine. (in my imagination) She gives me great advice (again, in my imagination) and has taught me a lot about song writing. 

Here is a past post where I tell a little story about Lori Mckenna 

When I get home I'm sure I'll want to blog all about our fun weekend. 

See you then.

Swim Suit anxiety..........ugh, not again!

I was doing a little swim suit shopping recently.

Ugh.

Every summer I have the swim suit anxiety.

I really don't like being that unclothed.

My whole goal with a swim suit is trying to find one that covers up as much as possible but doesn't make me look like I'm wearing a granny swim suit.

Sometimes I really don't like being a woman. 

The focus on my appearance is a burden that men don't have in the same way women do.

Plus the fact that my body has undergone so many changes.

Pregnant, not pregnant. Nursing, not nursing. Gain weight, loose weight.

 My husband looks the same as when I married him. His body just holds steady.

Me on the other hand. I look like I've been through a journey. 

And I have.

Every time I look at my face in the mirror it looks older.

The skin on my arms is changing. 

When I lay on my bed and read the skin in the crook of my arm hangs. 

My neck is changing too.

When I turn my head the skin does different loose type behavior.

It is weird to get older.

The other day I was working my fanny off getting my kids to help me clean the house. 

Every time I saw myself as I passed by the living room mirror I'd wonder

Does my face always look so droopy and mad or is it because I'm trying to get my kids to work?

It seems like I have to go to more work to make myself look happy and awake. 

Full make up,

nice hair do and flattering outfit and a big smile on my face and I look just fine.

Pajamas and bed head I look droopy and extremely fatigued or maybe even seriously ill.

It seems like I aged more from 36 to 37 than I did from 35 to 36. 

I think it is pretty common to still picture yourself how you looked when you were in your 20's. 

I still do.

I guess that's why I'm startled sometimes when I see a picture of myself and I look so middle aged.

Honestly,

I really love being 37. 

I am learning and growing and experiencing and I love my life, it is just hard to adjust to my body changing.

I better make peace and adjust because it's just going to keep changing. 

Trying to stop it is like trying to stop the ocean tides.

That's not to say I don't use my anti aging lotion with a hopeful heart ;)

There have been times when I've been having a conversation with my body and asked if we couldn't just hit puberty all over again. You know and do it right this time........like Scarlet Johansen right.

Yes, let's do that. 

Teeny waist, generous curves in all the right places. 

C'mon, you can do it body. I'll eat some fattening food and you just take those fat grams and turn them into fat cells and put them where they belong........please....... 

Are you even trying? 

What's up with the muffin top? I'd rather have a bubble butt  than a muffin top! 

Then of course there is the mature grateful part of me that knows I am so blessed. 

My body is a miracle.

It has given me 5 healthy children. 

I have carried them, birthed them, nursed them all without a hitch.

 I love my body and feel bad when I nitpick and am disrespectful to the gift God has given me.

 My body and face are beautiful just the way they are. I look like my family.

 I love my family. I want to look like them.

 There is no one set body style that is pretty.

 I know this.

 I also think my face looks kind of cool at age 37. 

I think it looks like I know what I'm talking about and maybe people take me more seriously since I have a few more years under my belt.

I have also discovered the more grateful I am for my body the more beautiful I look to myself. 

If I am in a positive attitude of gratitude about my body I step out the shower,

 see myself in my birthday suit and say. 

Aren't you beautiful!

Yes, you are!

Look at you, you haven't let anything go to waste. 

You've really gotten your money's worth out of your body!

Wow, you've been through it and have lived to tell.

Interestingly beautiful is what you are.

But then.............

I'm just so easily intoxicated by all the pictures and movies that have these women with incredible glorious beautiful bodies, with incredible glorious young skin.

It's intoxicating and I forget the truth.

Not to mention the fact that I hang out with 5 people that have perfect young flawless skin all day everyday. 

Poor Luke got stung by a wasp on his chin on Sunday so his chin skin is red and puffy.

Well, I could say more on the topic and I'm sure I will later.

 I must go get ready for another day of summer fun. 

If you have anything to add please feel free.

Taking a break from TV

A lights saber battle in the place of video games :)

It has been a week since I put a ban on TV. 

Not just a ban on TV but a ban on video games and  computer use

I reached my breaking point with my kids. They were behaving like out of control addicts. 4 of them seem to have an insatiable appetite when it comes to TV and video games. 

I would loose track of how much of their life they were wasting  away.

I was busy doing my thing happy they weren't interrupting me.

Then the shock and guilt would set in when I'd come into the family room at 11:30 a.m. and realize they had been in there since 8 a.m.

I thought it was going to be hard on me to have to take away Sponge Bob from the twins. 

But alas,  it was no big deal for them or me.

AnnaKate doesn't miss it. 

The addicts are Luke and Emmaline. 

They have been asking how long this "break" is going to last. 

I have been illusive on the topic.

I don't want them to plunge into the pit of despair if I tell them what I'm really thinking. 

(for the rest of the summer!)

I'm more of a "go play and let me do my work" type of mom so sometimes I loose track of what my kids are doing. 

Understandable I think. 

But because I'm a "go play" kind of mom and my kids media addicts then that means we both need some boundaries.

Every time my twins would be tired or fighting they'd either ask for TV or I'd make them lay down and watch some for the sake of my sanity. 

Sarah asked for Sponge Bob the other day. I reminded her we are taking a break. She fussed and was mad for a minute. Then she went and flopped down on the living room floor. She layed there singing to herself and talking to herself.

 I was in the kitchen cleaning. It was so nice to be doing my work and listen to her cute voice while she just was happily in her own world.

Don't get me wrong my kids play and pretend all the time.

 It was just so refreshing to see that even when she asked for TV and then was mad that I said no she could still just calm down and pretend. 

We are off to swim lessons with Sarah and Gwenyth today. 

That's why they are in their swim suits. 

They woke up and put them on first thing.

Swim lessons aren't even till 2:30 p.m.

I wish I loved being in a swim suit as much as my kids do

Every summer I fend off freak outs at the thought of stripping down and putting on those tight exposing things.

I might need to vent a little about that here soon.

The party is over

The last several posts my life has looked like a carnival ride.

We were all partying because my brother David was in town but now he is back to his fancy New York City.

We pigged out at The Copper Onion, it is so gourmet. 

Then we went and saw Buck. My mom is very particular when it comes to movies so we chose this one because it was a feel good uplifting movie. No X men for my mom!

It was a very good show.

I just had to put this picture on because it shows David's curly hair that I love.

Is that yummy mom?

Today I made my Grandma's dilly beans. 

What is a dilly bean you say?

It is a pickled green bean. If you like pickles then you'd love dilly beans.

Farmer Nate planted the beans and the dill weed and I had enough to make a couple of batches.

There is something so satisfying about growing your own food.

This is on my mind because I just finished reading Matched. In that story you can't grow your own food. The government controls everything.....freaky

I wrote the date on top because we have to wait 3 long months before we can eat them. 

I am so behind in my life I wrote June 16 instead of July 16. My poor brain.

I'm hoping the look on my face gives you a good chuckle.

My fingers are so sore and throbby. They feel bruised. 

It's because

I finally finished a song that has been knocking around in my head for weeks. 

I don't think I could ever give up singing and writing songs. I love it too much. 

It' helps me sort out my messy head.

I know a couple posts ago I talked about deleting my blog and putting my guitar in the basement. 

That was just my fearful freaked out self talking. Don't listen to her. 

I need this creative outlet in my life right now. 

Rainbows 2 days in a row

At my parent's on Sunday there was a full rainbow. My camera couldn't capture the whole big beautiful thing.

Monday we went to Lagoon. All of us.
Except my mom, who was recovering from some minor surgery. We missed you mom.

I am very happy to report that Emmaline killed her fears dead. 

Her fear of roller coasters that is.

This is her terrified self before we went on Wicked. Her terrified face looks more sad and sleepy but really she was freaked.

This straight down part really had her worried. 

She says she hates the feeling of butterflies in her tummy.

I adore this ride, especially the barrel roll.

While at Lagoon my Sister ran into the dad's from Kid History! 

Our kids were so excited and ran over there to lay eyes on the  funny dads.

  If you haven't heard of kid history then you're in for a treat. 

Nothing like snuggling up in a quilt in 90 degree weather. 

Sarah is too cute.

The Monday rainbow. 

I would like to hope that seeing a rainbow 2 days in a row is a sign. 

A good sign.

 I'm going to believe that it is a sign that good things are coming and all will be well in our family.

Silver Lake

KFC and a leisurely hike was on the docket for Saturday

Being up the canyon was making Nate really want to take the family camping. 

I might be convinced into agreeing to this.

What if he would have lost his balance and fallen into the freezing lake with Gwenyth?! 

Sarah and I took our shoes off and walked through the water on the boardwalk.

There is still snow in tops of the mountains. 

My parents have 14 grandkids. (The oldest isn't in this picture.)

It was a fun day. 

Other than the kids fighting on the way home.

 Why do my kids fight so much?

 Can't they just stare out the window and mind their own business?

 It was mostly my oldest 2 girls. They fought and yelled, cried, hit and scratched like little cats. The 3 others turned to look over the seat and watch the AnnaKate and Emmaline show. 

Nate told them to go ahead start throwing punches.

I told them I was ready to see some blood. 

Luke said, they are just fighting with words.

Girls and all their drama.

 It's hard enough to live with myself and all my own girl drama.

As soon as the fight was over we listened to a chapter in the Book of Mormon.

 We thought that was a nice way to end the fight and the night.

The kids were chattering and eating chips and laughing intermingled with some low level fighting.. 

When the chapter was over he asked the 3 bigs one thing they learned.

 They each rattled off a different part of the chapter that they liked.

 How is that even possible?

 It seemed like they could not have been listening. 

That deserved a reward so we stopped for ice cream.  

 Nate was a gem and got them to bed.

 I'll was on the second shift when they all started getting out of bed with random problems and requests.

 All but Luke got out of bed and "needed" something.

The twins stayed up late talking then fighting then talking........sigh
I'm glad they are so quick to forgive each other.

Summer Craziness

Do you ever feel like your life is on this overloaded, really fast conveyor belt and you can't keep up with it? That's how I've been feeling.

 My house is just going to have to be messy, it's just not gonna be clean till all my kids move out. 

There are so many way more important things. 

What I really want to say is that I am scared. 

I have given a demo CD to the arts person for Bountiful Summer fest. 

They want me to come.

 I really hope I have enough time to practice with Danny before August 5, 6.

 I have all this family fun on the calender, but in the back of my mind is the simmering worry.

 How am I going to present myself as a real musician? 

What a farce. 

 I wrote a song about my worry. 

It's called "un do what I've done"  

 You know like put my guitar back in the basement storage room, delete my blog and put my songs on a book shelf.

 I was balling my head off to my husband about it all on Sunday. 

I was fasting that day for some specific blessings I am asking of the Lord.

 Really I just want to do what he wants me to do, that's all. 

 Simmering worry aside we are having lots of fun with family the past few weeks and the next few weeks are chuck full of summer fun.

 

Having fun with my kids is a lot of work. We have been doing all these fun outings with my side of the family while my brother from New York is here and my sister is here from Southern Utah. I can't believe how we can take them out to eat and to a water park and on the way home they ask to stop for ice cream and I say no  it's late and we are all tired and they feel jipped and like I'm not very fun..........Are you kidding me children?! We just spent the whole day with you at a water park and we aren't fun? Their desire for constant entertainment is relentless.
When ever my kids are demanding and ungrateful I wonder if I'm that way with God.
Am I that relentless and winy and always asking for more! More! More! I sure hope not but it's a real possibility.

 If I am ever going to find the time to blog or write or practice I'm going to have to trade in sleep for it. This summer feels busier for some reason. 

Emmaline did in fact convince us that she could be responsible for a mouse. She loves it and so do the rest of the kids.

 Let's hope it can survive in this house with our cat and dog that sit by it's cage and dream of the day they can eat it

We also took Emmaline to the Temple for her first time. 

She is 12 and is now old enough to do baptisms for the dead.

She loved the experience and said she felt so happy and peaceful.

We went to Nielson's Frozen Custard after, cuz that's what you do when you're a Mormon, you go to the temple and when ever you can you eat  ice cream.

Bountiful Temple

Happy Birthday America!!!

Nate, where did you get that amazing patriotic shirt?

Sarah at the 4th of July parade. So sad when she didn't catch candy....so happy when she did.

Cousins Galore 

AnnaKate the beautiful turned 10 on July 6th.

She requested waffles for breakfast, In and Out for lunch and Chicken and Rice for dinner. She got a bike and got to have a cousin sleep over in the club house. 

We will just keep celebrating her birthday for the rest of the month. 

Here are a few pictures of yesterday's outing.

No, that's not the Grand Canyon. 

Copper mines. Gold, silver and ore too.

Big honking tire for the trucks at the copper mine.

We also went to Willard Bay with our neighbors who have a boat. I tell you, why buy a boat when your good friends have one. Just wait to be invited. It's like we are the kids and they are the parents. We have the fun and they have the responsibility  ;)

Thursday was our first time braving a water park with all 5 kids. They had a blast with their cousins. I was having  too much fun at both of these water outings to bother with taking pictures. 

Today we are going hiking with everyone. 

I'm not going to let my blog get so behind, this post is messy and confusing. 

Hope it captures our happy crazy confusing life.