half birthday

It was the twins half birthday this month. They were born a couple days before Christmas. 

My mom always asked me if I wanted to have a half birthday party since I was born on Christmas.

 I always said no. 

I didn't think it was a legitimate reason to have a party.

 Now that I'm the mom I do think it's a good reason but only if you are born the same week as Christmas. 

We went to Build a Bear

I asked Luke if he was having fun.

He said nothing.

my four girls picking out clothes

In other news.

Emmaline has recently launched a campaign to get a pet mouse.

She has been leaving pictures of mice around to keep the issue in the for front of my mind.

She sent  42 text messages to me and her dad.

"I want a baby mouse i want him 2 be black with white spots. i want to name him....skooty or what he looks like to me. i will by his food and cage and"

 "toys, the wood shavings, the water bottle thiny, salt lick and give him treats. i will clean his cage evry 1-2 weeks & play with him evreyday. i WILL"

 "take better care of him than  snickers I PROMISE!!!!! please u got pets all the time when u were my age i just want 1 mouse if i cant handle it i'll sell him." 

Snickers the guinea pig she never played with and I cleaned the stinky cage.

 (have you ever seen such a fluffy guinea pig?!)

"all u would have to do is drive me. pretty pretty please with cherry on top. i'll get one of those things that makes there pee and poo not smell"

"and i'll put baking soda on it i read that helps and if you give them a small pice of carrot each day it helps them stay healthy. i will keep it in my room." 

"i love you mom!"

then she texted me 3 pictures of mice

Mind you, I was in the kitchen and she was upstairs in her bedroom.

You'd think she'd be done but then more messages and more pictures....

"never feed mice chocolate, penuts, oranges, lemons ect., onions, garlic, raw meat, or food not meant for mice".

picture

"to get a mouse to know you, you slouldput food in our hand and wait for the mouse to come to you do that evry day at the same time each day until your mouse is ok with you holding and touching them."

Another picture

"some myths about mice are...all mice are smelly, mice carry diseases, mice are stupid, mice dont make good pets. all of those are NOT TRUE"

Ok, not 42 texts but 14! 

I finally told her no more texts, I get it. I'll talk to dad.............

Girls Camp

I'm back from girls camp. It was fun. I was gone long enough to miss my kids.

 That's always a plus.

 I really enjoyed being with the young girls and with the other leaders.

 The girls kept making me laugh. One conversation I found funny went like this.

 Funny girl 1

"Did you know you can't throw up if you don't have tonsils.

 My dad doesn't have tonsils and he can't throw up"

Funny girl 2

My mom had her tonsils removed and they grew back!"

Funny girl 3

"I just threw up and I don't have tonsils"

Funny girl 2

"I threw up 10 times and I do have tonsils"

 A lot of the girls got heat exhaustion or a stomach bug or homesick or both..... who knows, 

anyway there was some throwing up and passing out going on at girls camp this year. 

My daughter passed out in the first 2 hours.

 We set up tents in the heat and she didn't drink her water bottle with lunch.

 The girls were learning about first aid. 

They were being funny and acting out different scenarios.

 Emmaline pretended like she was choking and someone pretended to give her the Heimlich

. Then Em started to get woozy and she started tottering over off the picnic bench. 

Everyone thought she was acting. 

Cindy the young women's president saw Em's face and lips go white and was saying "I'm serious! I'm serious! Catch her!" 

 Thankfully Nate came up for the first day and caught her before she hit the asphalt.

Church on Sunday was extra pleasant.

 I think my twins are growing out of most of their naughty church behavior........can this really be happening? For the first half hour Gwenyth sat next to me with my arm around her.

 She was so still. 

Then she put her sweet head on my lap and let me play with her hair. 

Sarah just sat on Nate's lap

. The last half of the meeting they were wiggly and wanted to color and chew gum and talk to me.

 But that's no big deal. 

 Gwen had a list of things she kept asking me for or about. 

"Can we go see Maddie's new puppy after church?"

"Can we go to Build a Bear?"

 "When can I go to big kid school?"

 "I see something up your nose"

Me "What do you see?"

Gwen "Your smeller"

I had a hard time paying attention at church.

 My kids were so cute. 

I love looking at their faces. Plus I was feeling baby hungry. 

There are a lot of delicious babies and toddlers in my ward.

 Staring at them seems to feed my mother heart.

 Sometimes I wish there were more babies for me.................. but I don't feel anyone hovering.......waiting to come to our family.

 I think I'll always be baby hungry. 

I say this because when I had my first baby My Grandmother Helen held my Emmaline Helen and said. "I wish I could have another baby. I wish I could nurse her"  

My mother said the same thing. 

I don't think these feeling will ever go away and I hope they don't......they don't need to , this life isn't the only life to have children in.

It has been a busy summer so far.

  I feel a few songs rolling around in my head. 

If I ever get a quiet moment alone they'd have a chance to come out and get written.

 How did I ever find time to write the songs I have?  I was writing so many last year......

something pretty and green

mountain bluebells

yellow violets

I still have more I'd like to update here but I think that's good for today. 

Hope you enjoying your summer.......... or your winter....it's winter in Australia. 

Hey CJ, hope your having fun. 

this post is for my own enjoyment

I should be going to bed. 

I am going to girls camp in the morning.

 It has been a busy day though and I want to unwind a bit. 

I didn't get a chance to blog about my fun night I had last Saturday.

I went to the Ray Lamontagne concert. 

My best friend Natalie came with me.

 We've known each other since I was 9 and she was 10. 

We look 9 and 10 in this picture but that was us in high school if you can believe it.

Natalie, thanks for getting there early and eating burger king salads in line because I wanted to get a good seat. Sorry if I embarrassed you when I weaseled my way up closer to the front and made us squish in between those nice people. 

Your the best friend a girl could have. 

I had heard Ray was shy.

 I read interviews on the Internet that when he first started out he would perform with the lights off and wouldn't talk to the audience..... he used to be that phobic and scared up on stage. 

He is still pretty shy. 

The lights would go down in between each song and he only said "Thank you very much" to us a few times.  He finally introduced his band and said a little bit about one song. 

He sang and played the guitar with pure perfection. 

I decided that I  felt a little jipped that he didn't interact more with the audience. 

The lights were so low I could barely see him and the band. 

He played and sang so tenderly and beautifully. 

Even after 4 albums and lots of touring all over the world he is still pretty shy in a sweet way. 

Brandi Carlile on the other hand was a bundle of energy and joy and fun! 

That girl was born to be on stage.

 Her band was so awesome. 

I loved the guitarist and drummers. Such great music.

She went before Ray and sang for an hour.

 I loved it.

We were pretty close so I was trying to make eye contact with her and her band. 

She was too busy  but I did get the twins (her band mates are twin brothers) to look at me and smile. Let me expound......

I had my tall shoes on and had a great view. 

I beamed love at Tim, the bass guitar twin. 

I wanted him to look at me.

 I beamed the love.........he looked at me and smiled and nodded! Natalie said "He is smiling at you!" 

Of course after that I had to see if I could beam love at Phil and get him to look at me. I beamed  love...........He looked at me and smiled and nodded too :) Natalie said again "He is smiling at you!" 

Of course I was smiling huge and loving that.

Phil is on the left with the hat. 

Tim is on the right with the hat.

 I'm sure you care.

Lastly,. I went Hiking in the hills the other morning.

 The Sego Lilies are blooming.

 June in Utah is so perfect. Breezy and cool most of the day.

 Warm enough for the kids to run through the sprinklers. 

Every winter I wonder why we live here with these winters that depress me.

Every summer I'm reminded why I love Utah. 

We live here because we love our family.......and the summer's are nice and come to think of it, it is a safe and clean community.........with great people.........and great schools.......OK, we love Utah just not the winters.

Well, I better go enjoy sleeping in my dreamy bed with my dreamy husband before I go camping.

Jack pot daddy

Fathers Day

We are so glad when daddy comes in the door.

 We all instantly feel better. He makes things feel easy and fun.

 He walks in and the kids run to him. I feel myself relax.........

If I have dinner made, great. If I don't that's fine too. 

He thinks cooking and baking are relaxing. 

The kids far prefer his cooking over mine. 

I'm always trying to make things healthy. He just makes things yummy. 

Below is a picture that Sarah drew. 

All the kids were drawing pictures for daddy  while he took a fathers day nap.

  I heard them arguing with Sarah about her picture.

 She kept saying "Daddy's can have babies too" The kids were insisting that no daddies can't.

 I finally had to see her controversial picture.  

Sarah really thinks he is a super human dad

She told me that was her and Gwen in there.

Dear Nathan,

When I was on the hunt for the best father for my future children I hit the jack pot when I met you. 

 Not only do you have excellent genetics to pass on but you are kind and gentle and fun. 

You work hard but know how to balance your time so that the kids still get to have plenty of your attention. You are a patient and fun teacher. 

You have taught our kids to ski and swim and you are the spiritual leader of our home.

 Thanks for gathering the family for prayers and scripture study.

 I'm so grateful you don't leave all that on my shoulders. 

I love you .

Thanks for loving me.

Possible

Today I went to lunch with my mom. 

Her birthday was in May and I didn't get her a present.

 I forget people's birthday's and I don't feel like I'm a good gift giver.

 I don't ever know what to get for other people, I only know what I want.

 Anyway, to make it up to her I took her to The Copper Onion  in Salt Lake for the best lunch ever.

 It was so yummy that I went and met the chef and thanked him for going to school and Italy and Spain to learn how to cook.

  We also went to emiliejane's which is our favorite consignment store.

 She picked out her own late birthday gift and a late mother's day gift.

 Thank you mother for forgiving me for being a forgetful non gift giver. 

My new friend Bridgett let my twins come play while I was gone.

 Thanks Bridgette! 

And guess what. Bridgette can play the cello! 

I have been wishing I knew a cello player.

 I have several songs that I've written that I hear a cello playing in my head.

 She says she'd be willing to help me out. How lovely. How perfect.

Bridgette also let me borrow her copy of Newsweek so I could read this article.  I found it very interesting. She also  lent me her copy of Matched.

 Her very own friend Ally Condie wrote this book and I guess it's like a big thing.

 I haven't read it but my smarty pants friend Catherine loved it too.

I have wanted to post a video but haven't had a chance. 

If I wait till after the kids go to bed it's so late and that's my time with Nate.

I made it with the kids home so I kept getting interrupted. 

So here you have it. 

Just to clarify what I mean in this song.

 My dream for my life has always been to fall in love good and hard then to be a mother. 

I am living that dream.

This singing thing can't make or break me. I already have it made.

 Because of all the love of my husband and family and especially God's love, I have the strength to try something new.

 Something I never pictured doing in my life. 

But now that I've gotten started I can't help but dream

super hero

So last Saturday I did in fact go to the recording studio.

 I was able to record my song called Super Hero. (story of how Super Hero was born here)

 I had a free hour just now so I ran over to the studio and listened to the finished product. 

Kurt! Thank you! 

It sounds just right to my ear. 

Last Saturday I also tried to record my song called Possible.

 I kept messing up the guitar part.

 :(  

So that one will have to wait. 

I was a little sad and embarrassed  but then I just thought at least I tried. 

I'll keep trying.

 Maybe it will make it on the demo, maybe it won't.  

We talked about the songs and the little tweaks we need to make so they sound right.

It makes me happy and excited. 

When I left the house for the studio today I put my oldest daughter in charge of holding down the fort for 1 hour. 

She and 2 of her best friends were in the music room making up their own song.

When I got back we listened to a couple of my songs Kurt had given me a copy of ,
 then I sat down and they played me their song.

It is really good. 

What creative girls. :)

They want me to video them and put it on my blog.

 I told them they need their mother's permission.

The music room just became the music room around Easter.

 First it was the office /computer room, then it was Emmaline's room.

 Now it is the music room. 

Ever since I hung up my guitars and ukulele

 (I hung those up all by myself and used the power drill!) 

 I play way more often and my kids love to hang out in there.

 My oldest and her friends are all musical so they love to play the piano and the guitars. 

Tonight for the youth activity of which I am a youth leader, we went to the Joseph Smith Memorial Building and saw the Joseph Smith movie. It was great. I highly recommend it. I highly recommend Joseph Smith too. 

The employees at the Joseph Smith Memorial building were dressed up like it was 1911 because it is the 100th birthday of the building which used to be the Hotel Utah.

 Don't they look cute.

Emmaline with the sister missionaries.

 The dark haired sister is from Jordan Israel.

Cool.

 She said there are 45 members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Jordan.

 She is on a mission at Temple Square and her brother is serving in California so I guess the number is down to 43 for now.  

I don't know how to end this post so I will end by showing you a picture of this very big pretty flower on my neighbors tree.
I need to ask what kind of tree this is.  It looks like it's in the Magnolia family of trees........
Have a great day

A little help from Stuart Smalley

I'm off to go record a song or two.

 Just me and my pawn shop guitar, 

and my fingers that have had less than a years worth of lessons.

"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggonit, people like me"

picture by LeeAnn Samsel

I

Come What May & Love It

  Monday

 The first day of summer break for the kids I new I needed a little extra something to get me through . 

I could feel the anxiety caught in my stomach like very nauseating butterflies.

 I new my kids deserved a mom that was relaxed and not so grouchy  about their normal kid behavior.

 I texted my Aunt Janeal who is basically my therapist. 

She said she could get me in at 1 for a cranio sacral massage. 

Haleluja. 

As usaual she helped me talk through some things. She talked to me about things, 

 I gratefully absorb her wisdom.

 She physicaly helps me let go of negative energy and tension and worry. 

It feels so good and makes room inside my body and mind for happy and relaxed energy instead of tense worried energy.

 I told my Husband when he got home from work how I went to see his aunt and it helps so much. 

He said "your getting dependant" 

I said "I sure am." 

Just like I'm dependant on you and journal writing and song writing and praying and scripture reading, yoga, staring at the blue sky...........etc. 

It's all one more tool in my tool box of things I have to do to keep from going crazy.

 I was talking to a friend of mine and she said she is just getting resentful that she has to do all these types of things to get through the stress of life. 

Why can't she just be happy?! 

 I don't have the answer but I know we all have to do what we have to do to keep ourselves happy and healthy.

 Tuesday 

was a crazy hectic day. 

I didn't realize how much was scheduled on one day.

 I really try to have as much nothing on my calender as possible but tuesday was a freak of nature.

 I started the day our right with my regimen of sanity keeping activities. 

(yoga, pray, read, journal, sing/shower) 

It's a good thing to because the rest of the day hit me like a tornado.

Start laundry, feed kids cereal, take Em to a party. More laundry. Tend my friends 2 little girls,  pick Em up.

Take Em and AK to voice lessons.

 Laundry. 

Take 4 little girls to park. 4 little girls get tired and hungry and fight and whine. 

Take them home. Make mac and cheese.

 Laundry. 

 Pick up Em and Kate. Feed them and have them do their chores.

 Laundry.

.  Make twins take a 30 min "nap" because they are being horrid. 

Read my favorite blogs,

 Laundry.

 Take twins to a friends to play. 

Pick up the house before the carpet cleaner comes. 

Contemplate packing up all my kids toys and most of their books and clothes and giving them away. 

Contemplate the exerceise in utility that cleaning when you have kids is.

 Contemplate how often I'd have to get my carpets cleaned for it to stay lookining clean.

 Fantasize about all wood floors and no toys. 

Think the family dentist appointments are at 2:30 but really it's at 2.

 (I knew I should have double checked!) 

Get there late so now Luke and I will have to reschedule.

 Feel crazy.

 Write about how I feel crazy in my iphone while I wait in the waiting room.

Back home.

Get icecream cones for the kids while we wait for the carpet cleaners to be done.

 Take them up to this pretty pond while we wait. 

The stream draining into the pond is raging. 

Come home. 

Admire the perfect sky and green hills.

give the dog a bath.  

Make dinner.

  Feel glad that most days are not like this!!!

Would you like to know what is happening in my little music world? 

It's a world that mostly exists in my head for now.

I have 2 more songs I feel like I want on my demo.

 I have 4 songs done. 

A part of me wants to just be done with it and send it out into the world and then hide in my room and hope nothing comes of it. 

The main part of me wants to put  2 more songs on it. I have my reasons.............. that I have written down safely in my journal. 

Then send it out into the world happily and keep smiling and singing and trying and

"come what may and love it."

Picture by LeeAnn Samsel

It kind of  looks like I know what I'm doing huh?

If only that were true. 

I have to do the last 2 songs on my demo without Danny's help. :( 

He is getting married in less than a month! 

When I work on a song with Danny I feel legit.

It's more fun and I relax. 

He is a real musician so it makes it feel like it's all going to be OK.

I on the other hand do not feel like a real musician.

It is mostly because I don't know how to play the guitar as well as I 'd like and I have very little experience performing. 

There are solutions to these 2 inadequacies..................but I feel too inadequate to do them. 

Despite my inadequacies I am going to the recording studio this weekend to get to work! 

Hah! So there! 

a pep talk to myself

 Sunday dinner at my parents today.

 At my parents house I just walk around real slow and admire the perfect order of things.

 Things are clean and organized and pretty. 

It smells so nice. 

My parents love for me and all of us in atmosphere.

 Today I couldn't stop hugging my tall strong dad. 

The for dinner we had the choice of beef stroganoff or chicken stoganoff. There was lots of fresh fruit.  My mom made cherry chocolate cake with an inch of frosting.  It was nice. I even got to have a real conversation with my sister in law Ashley. Sometimes the kids keep us from talking below a superficial level.

  It was a very nice Sunday. 

                                My mom has the grand kids over one at a time for a sleepover.

 She and my dad take them to their favorite restaurant let them play the WI or watch movies, make them their favorite breakfast and even take them to Target to buy something.

 I wish I got to have a sleepover and be spoiled like that at their house.

 When we were growing up I took our clean and orderly home for granted. 

It wasn't until I lived away and then moved back home that

 I really appreciated the home my parents created for us. 

The food they made for us.

 The things they taught us. 

When my kids fight and I  can barely stand to be around them my mind wanders to this hope........... 

that just as me and my siblings used to fight and not appreciate my parents, 

my kids will someday come to our home for dinner and love being there. 

I hope I hope I hope I hope

In the mean time though I have to live with them everyday all day!

 School is out! 

I thought I was OK with this but the past 2 days I've sunk into a depression. 

Oh dreaded days of summer, the never ending hunger and mess making capacities of my 5 kids and their 5 million friends. 

Give me strength and a courage strong to face the mess, the noise, the chaos.  

I think it's time to give myself a pep talk

Look Kristen,   

here is proof that you are a good mother. Look at you reading with all those children of yours. 

They love you I promise. I know they tell you  you are boring and mean daily but........well, I don't know what to tell you on that one.....keep trying.

See.........they love each other and look how cute they are, c'mon, you can do this :)

awe......so sweet. Don't you love your kids? 

Yes, the answer is yes you do.

Look, she fell asleep with her picture of daddy. 

At least she loves one of her parents.

You better take advantage of the 6 years you have left with Em before she graduates from high school.

 Stop being so bossy and just love her. 

I know she trashes the house with all her creativity but she is growing up fast.

 Get your sweet head out of the clouds and make a dinner menu then get the grocery shopping done. 

You can do this girl!