my life and my loves

It's a beautiful morning where I sit. It has been a lovely rainy weekend and today it is blue skies, puffy clouds and cool scented air.

I took my run today in the foot hills by my house. I saw 3 big wood peckers.
One was bathing in a rain puddle.
The air smelled spicy and earthy. My body felt happy and strong. I am grateful.
 I'm also grateful I had  an especially interesting and fun weekend. My husband has been out of town a lot this month so when I mentioned a conference I wanted to go to on Saturday the 27th he suggested I leave the 26th and stay over night with friends.
Well, thank you! I will! 

I went with 2 of my best friends who are also my neighbors. I'm glad we all moved in on the same block in the same year. Anyway, we attended this conference in Provo Utah called Christ Centered Energy Healing.

It was interesting and fun and I came away with some  new connections to some great people and some new ideas to try on and even some pretty jewelry. 

There were people who do Kinesiology, Reiki, Massage and Energy Therapists,  foot zoning, Doterra reps, nutritionist, all kinds of healing arts like that. There were also artist and painters. One of them even lives around the corner from me and knew my husband. There were many authors, some had written books on how to achieve financial freedom and one author had written about her after life or near death experience. It was interesting to talk to these people and attend some of their classes.

Over the past 4 years I have gotten even more interested in this type of health care and work.

My family and I have received a lot of help from the healing arts over the past 4 years.
 Physical, mental and emotional help. It is powerful and real and I am very grateful to know many people who are good at many of the different healing modalities. 

I've been taking some classes too. I have wanted to be able to use some of these skills on my children to help them with anxiety, pain, worry, panic attacks, sickness. You know, all the stuff kids throw at you. I totally still use traditional medicine when I feel it's the right fit but I also know I have many other very effective,  options with no harmful side effects. It's been a huge blessing. 

Over the past few years I've realized that not only do I have an interest in these things, it also comes very naturally to me. I've always been sensitive physically and spiritually and can sense, feel, hear and sometimes see things that are very subtle and even invisible to others.  Sharing my music and learning to write songs has made me let go of fears and opened me up even more to these subtle energies. I've let go of fear and allowed more light and faith into me so I feel more light and love and positive energy in my life. Music and the Healing arts have really gone hand in hand for me. 

My new room I told you about is a marriage of these two loves of mine. I have my guitar  and notebook  in one corner and my massage table in the other.
Music is really another type of healing art. It can move you emotionally to tears and move you physically to chills. It makes sense for my interests and talents that I'd want to marry music and healing arts and have the opportunity to share and express love in both of these ways.
That's what it all comes down to.
 Love.
 Connecting with, expressing, being a conduit for LOVE.

I am very much a beginner when it comes to using some of the skills I've learned. I'm hopeful I can learn more and grow in this area of my life.






My life. Here are some pictures from the last couple of weeks of my life.

You can hardly see the rainbow behind us.
The past 2 months we've had a million rainbows!

My dog Tabitha thinks I am the greatest most wonderful human on the planet. 

My twins Gwenyth and Sarah are so much fun to watch play soccer. 

They run hard and play hard and are so tough. I'm so non athletic that it is an extra joy for me to watch them be so athletic. They get it all from daddy who is their coach. 

AnnaKate is growing up fast. I love to see her smiling and happy.

Who can open their mouth the biggest, contest. 

Luke wins. 

My cat Charlie purrs and hugs my arm while I read and procrastinate folding that pile of laundry. 

My cat Golly is still mad about something. 

And I'm looking at these pictures of my growing children and trying to figure out how to keep up with it all. 

So far I'm not keeping up but I am getting enough sleep and reading good books and watching good movies. I have time to go to the library alone. It's really fun. 

I never know how to end these posts…..

Love,

Kristen…..

See you later ? 

No because I'm not seeing you.

I'll be back

?

The End

?

For today I'll say,

Love ,

Kristen

today's thoughts

Keep it simple. Keep it real.

That's how I'd like to keep my thoughts today.
I'd like to keep my life that way. I'm out here in my new space with the last few minutes before the crowds come home. I love the crowds, but….

I don't often know what to do with the crowds. They come home with their agenda and requests and trauma and drama to report and I'm trying to welcome them home and listen but still direct and guide how the afternoon and evening needs to go between soccer practice and dinner and homework. 

I can easily lose my bearings, the demands outside of me and the demands inside of me can be so overwhelming.

I think I'd like to ramble on and let my thoughts go but I'm not sure what the point of that would be, other than freedom.
Freedom is a good point though...
 I'm not very grounded in reality at this moment in time though so a ramble could lead to regret.
I'm rather disconnected from my life at the moment. I've been hiding out and dodging my responsibilities. Anyone else know how to do that?

I think it's because my husband is going to be out of town a lot this month and I'm guarding my peace and quiet like a hermit in the mountains.

I cleaned all morning, digging out from the mess of the weekend. Then I was on the phone and getting texts and calls and visits. I have nothing against any of that but I hadn't even said my morning prayers or done the things I promised myself I would do so……

I put my phone on airplane mode and left it all by itself on the table and snuck out here with my little dog. 

I wrote a poem in my journal.

I prayed out loud while I stared at the sky.

I read from The Book of Mormon.

I fell asleep on my couch.

Now I'm awake.

I'd like to tell you what I did this summer,  musically.

I've not really posted my songs on Facebook much  or really talked about it here or posted pictures or videos of me singing.

I haven't wanted to.

I've wanted to sing for myself, sing for others,  record and write  but I haven't wanted to Facebook or blog or youtube about it. It seemed to be taking a degree of the enjoyment out of it for me.

It seemed like it implied a need for validation? 

Maybe I do need validation?

When I share my music or pictures I hope I'm doing it out of a spirit of sharing and giving something from my heart and not a spirit of needy praise seeking. 

So, out of a spirit of storytelling, keeping a history of my life, and sharing, I'll write about where I sang this summer.

In May I had a friend ask me to come speak and sing to his church youth group.

He wanted me to decide what I wanted to speak and sing about and gave me plenty of time.

In my church we call this a fireside. He asked me to do a  fireside.

I've never been asked to do this but I was very happy to be asked and not nervous at all.

For one, Ryan and Bridget said they would come play their instruments and Ryan would use his great sound system equipment.

For two, I was asked to come and speak from my mind and heart and sing and just be myself. 

I wasn't coming on the premise that I was an entertainer or an awesome musician.

I know I'm not either one of those things.

I'm pretty good at being myself and I love talking about things that are meaningful to me and I love singing from my heart and that is what I was asked to do and it felt like…

 a perfect fit. 

I had more fun doing that fireside than I have at any other time I've sung for a group.

The youth and their parents and leaders were quiet and attentive.
Standing up there with my good friends Ryan and Bridget felt fun and easy.

We were in a beautiful back yard with a view of the mountains .

It was lovely. 

These are pictures of us practicing in my backyard the night before.

I had two other opportunities to sing for groups of people and not just myself and my doggy.

My close friend has a sister's retreat every year with her sisters and sister in laws. 

They have always had a speaker or singer come and give them a little fireside.

She asked me to come and said the topic was family history.

One of my favorite topics ever.

Not that I'm a genealogist yet but I love learning about my family that came before me.

I know they are involved in my life and give me so much love and support.

I could talk about that all day.

I have a few songs on the topic of family and those that lived before us. Those we look back on in love and admiration and feel them reaching out to us from heaven. 

It was good to sing these 3 songs for this group of sisters.

My other very close friend spoke that night also on her feelings on family history and some of her experiences. 

It was so wonderful to be there with women that I love to talk about things that really matter and that are precious. 

You don't get to do that every day. So much of conversations are surface level and irrelevant. 

It is wonderful to dive below the surface and connect on a deeper spiritual level. 

That third opportunity I had was to sing at a Relief Society party.

I was asked to choose a couple of my songs that might pertain.

The topic I was given to help me in my song selection was a quote from a well beloved woman in my church.The wife of the former prophet,  Marjorie Pay Hinkley.

The quote is,

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car wearing beautifully tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed and with long perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. 

I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children. 

I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping weed some one's garden.

I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. 

I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived"

Marjorie Pay Hinkley

As I was thinking about all the songs I have written and which one's would be fitting for that night and that theme and I started to wonder…

I wondered if I could turn that quote into a song.

I thought it sounded poetic and I loved the line "I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived"

I love that line because sometime I avoid life and don't really want to be here and ask if He could please come pick me up early because is is way worse down here than He told me it would be so come get me.

I would like to come to a place in my growth and maturity that I embrace life with all it's ups and downs and just really LIVE it FULLY. So these words of hers inspire me. I DO want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived!

This was in August when the kids were still out of school so the idea of having some quiet time to write a song wasn't very likely, but then, 4 days before I was to sing I suddenly had a quiet night.

It was only AnnaKate and the twins home. They were wrapped up in playing with their American Girl dolls and were getting along perfectly.

Miracle.

It was quiet.

Miracle.

I sat down with this happy unexpected gift of time and quiet! 

The happiness it gave me allowed for the song to flow nicely out of me.

Hooray! 

So that night I sang one of the very first songs I've ever written called Messy House.

A song to make them laugh.

And then I sang the new song

I think it could be called

I want the Lord to know.

A song to make them cry.

Both songs were very well received and relate-able and It was a blessing to be asked because it let me write a new song and that is a process that feels so good.

Thank you Cynthia and Robin for asking me!

Alright.

I think I've said what I needed to say…

It's turned out to be a very nice day and ended with a thunder storm this evening.

Could it be better? 

I'll be back. 

new space

So, I'm sitting in a new space. 

Literally and metaphorically. Let me tell you how I got to this new space. The physical, literal new space that is. 

We have a little building in our back yard. 

The previous owner enjoyed carpentry as a hobby and used it as a wood shop.

 We have mostly used it for storage.  

One day I received a phone call that was important to me and I wanted to be undisturbed. 

My house was full of children and activity. I slipped outside to my backyard and into the old wood shop. 

I sat in an old broken rocking chair I got at a garage sale in Arkansas years ago, surrounded by our bikes and other junk. I enjoyed the phone call uninterrupted. 

As I was sitting out there I realized what a pleasant space it was. 

The wood shop has 7 windows and a high ceiling. The view out all the windows is green and leafy.

Why do we use this pleasant space for storage? 

I realized then that I wanted to finish off this space and use it for something other than storage. 

So this summer we hired our cousin who is good at finishing work and we created a space that is clean and painted and pretty.

 It is still quite empty, but that makes it feel exciting and open to possibilities to me. 

My husband has talked about finishing this space for the kids, we could put a TV and a game table and let them be out there with their friends... This idea has always made me sick. 

"Yes! Lets create another space for our kids to be lazy and cook their brains in front of a screen and eat and not clean up after themselves with all their friends!" 

 So I have always said NO WAY to my husband's idea. That day on the phone, sitting out there alone I saw how I wanted to finish the space, but for ME….. and Nathan too. So here I sit. I hope it can be a space used for reflection, retreat, creativity, learning, healing, singing and working. Not the kind of working I do in my house. All that work gets undone every day.

 I hope this can be a space for working and creating things that stay done. 

The metaphorical new space…..

I wonder if I can tell you about it and how I got here?

I don't really know where I am, I just know it's different and a place I've never been. 

That's true for all of us at the beginning of something, right? 

September is a time for new beginnings for our family because all of the children begin a new school year, another grade older. 

I love getting some structure back in our lives. 

What I love the most is the PEACE and QUIET and the opportunity to be alone and do what a please. It is the perfect balance to taking care of them and living in the burst of energy and activity that a young family provides. 

Last week was the first week of school. While the kids were gone I cleaned up and it stayed clean.

 I turned up my music and sang along loudly while I did housework. 

Then I read what I wanted and ate what I wanted and watched movies and napped. 

Yes. I did.

It helped that I got a head cold that really asked me to lie down. 

It felt like a vacation during those few hours they were at school.

So here I go into the second week of school. 

Flinging my thoughts in word form out into the big void we call the Internet. 

My kids don't have my password so they can't come in here to change or delete my thoughts. 

I love my kids, really, I do. 

They are my struggle and strength, my teacher and task master. My purpose and pain….

I'm grateful life feels a little more in balance with them back in school. 

 I'll be back here writing soon.