chicken whisperer

Gwenyth loves our chicks more than any of my other kids have ever! 

She carries them all over the house and yard and neighborhood. Not 3 at once usually. 

I'm watching General conference today. 

It's some serious spiritual food for me. I always hear things that feel directed straight from God to me. 

Listening to real modern day prophets in 2012.

Pretty cool. 

I love to sit with my journal open so I can take notes as I feel messages of love and direction from the God of heaven float down right into my mind and heart. 

Go here if you want to take a look or listen.

If you want to torture me, put me in a room with people with the rules being you can only talk about surface level topics. Nothing deeper, nothing about what we are all really feeling and thinking and worrying or wondering about. That would be torture. My blog has felt that way to me. Surface. Superficial.     I have not felt free and fearless like I used to. I have not felt inspired or guided like I have in the past. I'm hoping I will feel inspired, free and fearless soon but right now It seems there are other things that are more important to me than writing. Most of what's happening at the deeper levels of my life I feel unable to talk openly about.  Some things feel too sacred. Some things feel like they would make me more vulnerable than I already am. Some things feel like they are not my stories to share. My blog has turned a bit directionless with long stretches between posts. I know you didn't come here today to hear me whine about blogging. So stop blogging you might be thinking. While I'm thinking....Why did you come here? Where are you from and what are you wondering or worrying about below the happy surface?

I'm going to have patience with myself and with life and with my friends lives and my family's lives.   So many things feel like they are in transition....I guess all of life is a constant state of change and transition. I'm going to be patient. I need to make some decisions and figure some things out and the fact that it's spring makes it all seem possible. Everything starting fresh and being reborn.

Have a lovely day...

Happy Sunday

I love spring more than anything.

Temple Square smelled like pansies and hyacinths.

Do you know that smell?

Saturday night we walked through Temple Square after attending 

 the general young women's meeting. 

  

I was married in this beautiful temple.

Last night was such a warm night as I walked around with my daughter

and my friend and her daughter.

One of my favorite things said was "Life by the yard is hard. Life by the inch is a cinch."

President Monson is full of poetic little tidbits like that one. :)

So my pitiful plea for comments didn't get me any but today at church several people 

asked how Caroline was doing. That made me laugh. She's fine by the way but

Sarah is still off playing games with Jesus.

"like patty cake patty cake mom"

was what Sarah said when I asked what game they were playing.

"She'll be back in 8 days when it's summer."

I wish I was vacationing with Jesus. Let me tell you I wouldn't want to play any games. For one I find games boring. For two I think I'd just want to be with him and feel his love.

I was just talking to my mom on the phone and we concluded that's what every earthling is aching for.

Well I better get dinner on the table. 

I made potato leek soup. Diane's recipe. Yum.

My kids favorite.

the point

I've been cleaning all day. I honestly love it when I can clean un interrupted. That's how today has been. Nate took the twins on a fun outing so now I'm really free. The other 3 can are pretty low maintenance. I'm pretty tired from all the cleaning and laundry so I'm thinking I should sneak a nap in. Either that or catch up on my homework. I have lots of good Oprah programs recorded on my DVR I'd love to watch. I'm definitely a student of Oprah. I learn a lot from her new shows. My favorites that I record every week are Super Soul Sunday, Oprah's Next Chapter and Oprah's Master Class.   I keep a stash of chocolate in my closet for when I need to lay on my bed and watch Oprah.

Remember how I used to sing and write songs and play my guitar? No? Either do I. I think I've forgotten how to write a song. Sad. I haven't written one in so long. I never feel like I have a chance anymore. I tried to yesterday but couldn't relax enough to let it come. I kind of have to go into a trance and sink into whatever emotion I'm feeling and let the words fall out. I need to feel safe relaxed and nonjudgmental of myself. I used to stay up late so I could feel totally alone. That really helps. I need time alone to see myself face to face. Maybe I'll need to trade in some sleep for a song. The thought of not being able to write one makes me so sad so I better find the time.  Also I think I haven't written one in so long because I think what's the point? I'm not willing to sacrifice my Friday night date with Nate to go sing at an open mic.   I'll just keep all these songs safe inside me till I have time to share them? I think there is a flaw in my thinking  I think the point is that it's therapy for me to create. It helps me feel connected to the divine within in myself. That's the point! Ok. Glad I got that worked out ;)

I've tried to make a  few videos to post on my blog but so far there has always been a glitchy computer issues and I haven't succeeded in posting the right video. Frustrating. I am willing to sing on this blog because I can do it when I have the time and I'm not needed by my kids.  I'm hoping the stars will align soon.

But guess what I didn't  tell you about. I got to sing my first solo in Sacrament Meeting (where the whole congregation meets to worship Jesus Christ)  a couple weeks ago. There I was all by myself at the pulpit singing into a microphone. Doing such a thing in the past would have made me lose consciousness. I have grown up a bit apparently because I didn't pass out. I stood there and sang and only made mistakes that I could hear.  I even enjoyed it. Not that my hands weren't completely sweaty and I could feel my dress quivering around me as I stood there. It felt like a huge privilege to get to sing one of my favorite songs for my ward. I felt so happy and blessed to do it.

Guess what else. I got called to be a ward chorister. When the Bishop (lay, unpaid leader of our congregation) asked me to do this I had no idea how. I said yes anyway because I'd like to learn how and I thought it sounded fun. Last Sunday was my first time. It was fun. We chose songs that were in 4/4 time and I did it right. :)

My house is filling with children. I better go. Have a great day or night or what ever time it is where you live. And leave a comment will you? It's been at least 2 posts that I have the big fat 0 comments staring me down.

Sarah's alter ego

On Thursday I took Gwenyth and Sarah to the beauty shop for a hair cut.

6 months or so ago when I took them Gwenyth wanted to get her hair cut shorter. 

I couldn't let her. Her hair is thick, blond, slippery yet still holds curl. 

This time when I took them Sarah wanted to get her hair cut shorter. Gwen wanted just "a little hair cut"

I was cool with this. Sarah's hair is thinner and finer and gets so snarly. I was happy to see it chopped a bit

Look at them! Don't you love Sarah's little round face?!

She can do her hair all by herself. This is a big deal for me since I have 5 heads of long girl hair to do. Well  make that 4 since Emmaline no longer needs me to do her hair.

Sarah brushes it and puts her little head band on. Darling.

Sarah enjoys egg on toast as much as me. 

Here is the funny part of all of this hair style change.

As we walked home from the beauty shop (it's right by my house) I told Sarah I bet daddy won't even know who she is. We could tell him I just found you on the street and decided to keep you because you were so cute. She loved this idea.

She said let's tell daddy my new name is Caroline. (that is really her middle name)

I agreed it would be fun to "trick" daddy.

Well Sarah not only wanted to trick daddy she went to our friends across the street and told them Sarah was gone and she was Caroline. They kept calling her Sarah and she came home mad and pouty.

Today we went to Subway for lunch. She has been making us all call her Caroline. 

As we sat at the booth Sarah told us of Caroline's rough past.

I asked her where she used to live before she came to live with us.

"Hawaii"

I asked her about her house

She said it wasn't a good house and they had to sleep on the floor.

I asked her what she ate.

Sand.

What did you drink?

Sand.

Did your parents let you swim in the ocean.

Nope.

They got so old they died and that's why she had to come live with us.

I asked how old were they?

20.

I told her this was a good story and she said

It's not a story mom, it's what happened.

Tonight she was telling Nate about some tough times back in Hawaii.

Nate asked her about her old dad.

She said he wasn't nice, He took them to the bad place.

I nervously asked what bad place?

The bad Ric Donald's (McDonald's)

Nate asked what the food was like.

She said it all tasted like octopus.

Nate asked what kind of clothes she wore.

She said her old dad would make her wear fish skin.

Visualizing this made me laugh out loud.

Sarah started laughing and said. Fish skin. That's super funny.

I told her I sure loved Caroline but I miss Sarah. Where is Sarah?

She said she was visiting Jesus. They were playing games and she'd come back this summer.

Nate and I agreed that visiting and playing games with Jesus sounded pretty great so we could let Sarah stay with him till summer. 

She said when Sarah comes back she's going to have short hair too. She'll look just like me.

Is this funny and cute to anyone else?

Her imagination....blending with her reality. I love getting a glimpse into their minds.

here they are about 2 1/2 years old.

Sarah and Gwenyth have been each others first and best play mates.

Opposition in all things is a very true principle when it comes to twins though.

They have been each other's worst tormentors too.

This morning as I was in the bath I heard them fighting.

Slamming doors. Screaming. They have loud fierce screams when they want to.

I rushed out in my towel trying to get to them before they slammed fingers or scarred each other emotionally for life.

I made them get in their beds and lie down for a time out. I felt so sad and drained knowing how they fight and hurt each other.

They are only 5. How can they be so mean? They calmed down and asked if they could go brush their teeth and finish getting ready. I went limp on Gwen's bed. Sad. Do we have to fight like this everyday? When can we all be happy and kind? I say we because I don't know how to help them and so I'm sure I'm part of the problem. 

I'm glad I don't have any pictures of them fighting. I'm glad I can try and forget that and try to only remember the good. 

Here's to hoping they can forget the fights too.

I want you to meet my mom

Let me introduce you to my mom.

Her name is Kathleen.

 She is beautiful and intelligent, kind and good. 
Some how she is still humble and down to earth.

 She understands me when we talk and cry about the painful parts of living a mortal existence. 

I feel like I can be my self with her. She loves me the way God loves me. 

She knows I'm growing, I'm not done, yet she is so pleased with me just where I am in my eternal progression. 

She emailed me a talk she wrote and gave a few weeks ago. She gave me permission to publish it on my blog. 

That is a big deal for her. 

She is quiet and private.  

I've been warning her I want to put her writings on my blog for a while now.

 The idea has become acceptable to her somehow. 

So before you begin reading her words,

put your brain in a different gear. 

Her brain waves vibrate at a much higher frequency than mine do. 

We had the opportunity last year to go to Jordan, Israel and Egypt, and I am to give in a 4-6 minute talk a testimony about the Holy Land. It is not to be travelogue, and I want to speak in a way that doesn’t leave anyone out. Circumstances here and now can prevent travel to Israel and Egypt and the actual geographical places where the Savior lived and walked. So, let’s consider our future travel opportunities when neither health, nor finances; when neither “wars [nor] rumors of wars;” when neither time nor space will be prohibitive to our travel. Speaking of the privileges of the righteous who have died and passed into the spirit world Brigham Young says—“ …The brightness and glory of the next apartment is inexpressible… yonder how different! [in the spirit world we] move with ease and like lightning. If we want to behold Jerusalem as it was in the days of the Savior; or if we want to see the Garden of Eden as it was when created, there we are, and we see it as it existed spiritually, for it was created first spiritually and then temporally, and spiritually it still remains. And when there we may behold the earth as at the dawn of creation, or we may visit any city we please that exists upon its surface. If we wish to understand how they are living here on these western islands, or in China, we are there; in fact, we are like the light of the morning…This is what the faithful Saints are coming to; they will possess this power…” (more of the quote on page three) I do not begin to comprehend that, but I believe it and feel the truth of it, and I have several trips planned for when I get there.

Egypt, Jordan, Israel…we refer to a very small geographical region as The Holy Land. I’d like to expand the term The Holy Land in a way that puts all of us there. Latterday prophets have taught that one of the ways the Infinite Atonement of Christ is infinite is that it applies to an infinite number of earths. Referring to Moses 1 and D & C 76, Elder Bruce R. McConkie taught: “Now our Lord’s jurisdiction and power extend far beyond the limits of this one small earth on which we dwell. He is, under the Father, the Creator of worlds without number (Moses 1:33). And through the power of his atonement the inhabitants of these worlds, the revelation says, ‘are begotten sons and daughters unto God’ (D&C 76:24), which means that the atonement of Christ, being literally and truly infinite, applies to an infinite number of earths…” (Mormon Doctrine, 65) Elder Russell M. Nelson taught: “The mercy of the Atonement extends not only to an infinite number of people, but also to an infinite number of worlds created by [the Savior].” (The Atonement, Ensign November 1996, p. 35) And from President Marion G. Romney: “Jesus Christ, in the sense of being its Creator and Redeemer, is the Lord of the whole universe. Except for his mortal ministry accomplished on this earth, his service and relationship to other worlds and their inhabitants are the same as his service and relationship to this earth and its inhabitants.” (Jesus Christ, Lord of the Universe, Improvement Era, November 1968, p. 46-49).

Given that the Savior’s infinite atonement “applies to an infinite number of earths,” consider how holy this earth is. This earth on which you and I received our physical bodies is the very same earth on which Jesus Christ--the Great Jehovah, the Creator of worlds without number--received his physical body. Ours is the earth where the resurrection of Jesus happened. This earth is the altar of God in that it is the earth on which the Savior worked out the Infinite Atonement that applies to an infinite number of earths. This earth, the altar of God: Think of the words we sing in our hymn (For the Strength of the Hills): “we are guardians of an altar midst the silence of the skies.” There is a man in Sunridge Ward whom I often see when I am out walking early. He walks with a grocery bag and picks up the trash on the ground. When I see him, I am not thinking, “Way to go in the battle against littering,” or “Hooray for being ‘earth friendly;’” When I see him every day cleaning up our little corner of the world, the phrase that passes through my mind is: “we are guardians of an altar ‘midst the silence of the sky.” Our

earth is sacred. Our earth is The Holy Land…and here we are, you and I…we live and move and “have our being” in the Holy Land.

A brief testimony: First in a Jerusalem context – We walked through Hezekiah’s Tunnel. You can read about it in the Bible Dictionary: About 700 BC in the days of Isaiah, Hezekiah had the tunnel chiseled through 1700 feet of limestone to secure Jerusalem’s water in the event of an Assyrian attack. The tunnel is longer than the length of 3 football fields and water runs through it. While I was asking our guide “just how wet am I going to get?” (the water ranges from above the ankles to mid-thigh), and while I was privately asking myself “Exactly how claustrophobic am I?” and “can my back go the distance bent over like that?” With all that in my mind there was also this, these words written by Hezekiah to the Lord and recorded by Isaiah: “O Lord…In love to my soul thou hast delivered it from the pit of corruption; for thou has cast all my sins behind thy back.” (Isaiah 38:16-17). I know that in the Atonement, the Lord has, in love to our souls, delivered us from the pit of corruption for he has cast all our sins behind his back. And I love him for it.

Second and last, in the context of a point in time and space that is part of my personal “holy land:” Years ago as I waited my turn for parent teacher conference with our daughter’s seminary teacher, I stood in front of a big poster on which were written many of the Savior’s names. It began “And His name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace…It went on: Mighty One of Jacob, Your Advocate With the Father, Lord God Almighty, Jehovah…It continued: Light of the Sun, Light of the Moon, Horn of Salvation, Lamb of God…At the bottom it ended with: Your Lord and Your God and Your Redeemer. And thou shalt call his name Jesus.” In the middle were his names: The Great I Am, I Am, I Am That I Am. As my eyes rested on those three names, I heard a voice say, “I Am.” I loved Jesus when I was a child, I had a testimony of him when I was a Presbyterian, that testimony grew when I became a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints, but since that day in our daughter’s seminary classroom I have known in a way I didn’t before that Jesus Christ, The Great I Am, is.

In the name of Him who is Our Lord and Our God and Our Redeemer, even Jesus Christ. Amen.

My favorite parts of her talk are the quotes from Brigham Young on what he has to say about traveling once we have died and moved on to the spirit world.

It sounds beyond incredible to me!

Here is the rest of that quote from him. (He was speaking at a close friend's funeral.)

*I can say with regard to parting with our friends, and going ourselves, that I have been near enough to understand eternity so that I have had to exercise a great deal more faith to desire to live than I ever exercised in my whole life to live. The brightness and glory of the next apartment is inexpressible. It is not encumbered with this clog of dirt we are carrying around here so that when we advance in years we have to be stubbing along and to be careful lest we fall down. We see our youth, even, frequently stubbing their toes and falling down. But yonder, how different! They move with ease and like lightning. If we want to visit Jerusalem, or, this, that, or the other place—and I presume we will be permitted if we desire—there we are, looking at its streets. If we want to behold Jerusalem as it was in the days of the Savior; or if we want to see the Garden of Eden as it was when created, there we are, and we see it as it existed spiritually, for it was created first spiritually and then temporally, and spiritually it still remains. And when there we may behold the earth as at the dawn of creation, or we may visit any city we please that exists upon its surface. If we wish to understand how they are living here on these western islands, or in China, we are there; in fact, we are like the light of the morning, or, I will not say the electric fluid, but its operations on the wires. God has revealed some little things with regard to His movements and power, and the operation and motion of the lightning furnish a fine illustration of the ability and power of the Almighty. If you could stretch a wire from this room around the world until the two ends nearly met here again, and were to apply a battery to one end, if the electrical conditions were perfect, the effect of the touch would pass with such, inconceivable velocity that it would be felt at the other end of the wire at the same moment. This is what the faithful Saints are coming to; they will possess this power, and if they wish to visit different planets, they will be there. If the Lord wish to visit His children here, He is here; if He wish to send one of His angels to the earth to speak to some of His children, he is here. (Brigham Young, JD 14:231, funeral of Aurelia Spencer)

Brigham, I love they way you explain things!

 I have read  more of what Brigham Young has to say about the life beyond this one and I think he must have taken his summer vacations in the spirit world he knows so much about it. 

I also loved the idea that not only is Jerusalem considered the Holy Land because that is where our Savior was born and lived and died and then LIVED AGAIN!!! 

This Whole earth is the Holy Land.

God has created worlds without number and Jesus is the Savior of all of them, but he

 came to this earth. 

Our earth.

This earth is Holy and we are here on it's face.

My mom is one of my greatest blessings. 

This blog is one little way to share all the good I have been given.

I don't need to wait till I have my own publishing company to publish my mom's work.

I have too much laundry to do to start my own publishing company.

This blog works just great for that anyway.

The law of attraction at work?

Remember me posting this awesome cello guy's youtube videos a while back?

Well look at this!

That's really him.

His name is Stephen Sharp Nelson.

I didnt' know he lived in my parents neighborhood!!!

My parents don't read my blog so they don't know I'm in love with him.

In love with his cello playing skills and awesome YouTube videos that is.

They had never even seen his YouTube videos?!

I went to hear my brilliant mother speak to the women in her Stake

 (a stake is 5 or 6 LDS congregations in the area)  

and who was up on the stand playing prelude music?

HIM!

I was like

Is that the cello genius from YouTube!? 

It was.

I busted up there with my sister in law at the end of the program and shook his hand and thanked him for his music and his videos and I told him I posted his videos on my blog and he said.

"Thanks for posting my videos on your blog"

You are welcome Stephen!!!

Thanks Ash for taking the picture :)

Are you wondering if I'm like 6 feet tall? I might be, look at me towering over the cello man....

Look at his generously proportioned cranium to fit his musical magnanimous brain....

I wish you could have heard my mom's talk.

When she was up there speaking she looked so pretty and she looked so young.

I think when you have the spirit of God flowing in and through you it makes you look  better and younger.

That's what I was thinking as I looked up at my 60 something mother who didn't look 60. 

My mother is honestly.....

I think she knows so much.

Her understanding of spiritual things is beautiful and deep.

I'm going to have a publishing company and publish all her writings.

Everyone should have access to my mother's insights into eternal things.

Is it rude to brag about your mother?

I didn't raise her so I'm thinking I can say these things. 

They are true so I'm not bragging anyway.

Sorry for taking so long to post.

Sometimes I can't figure out what thoughts belong on my blog and what thoughts belong in my journal and what thoughts belong in  the trash.

I've been putting most of my thoughts in my journal.

I've also been surgically removing some thoughts from my brain and body.

They are only driving me mad and giving me aches and pains so they must go!

Have a lovely night and hopefully I'll post sooner than later. 

when you are 5 I'll buy you a chick

I have been promising my twins that when they were 5 I'd get them their own baby chicks.

I wanted them to be old enough to remember the experience and old enough to know not to squish them.

I went to the country store to get chicken feed for my 3 big hens. 

Sarah was with me.

Right there next to the cowboy boots were baby chicks for sale.

Sarah couldn't believe her eyes.

She didn't even think to ask me for one, she just oohed and aahed.

I asked her what did I say would happen when she was 5 and it was spring time?

Then she remembered I'd promised to get her a chick.

We picked 3 out. 

 Seeing her little face in joyful disbelief are the moments that make being a mother so good.

One for her and Gwen and one for me since I was so sad about Wesley going home to his real parents.

When I got home the other kids couldn't believe I didn't get them one too so I went back and got 2 more. 

I gave my chick to Luke.

Really all 5 are mine since I'm the mom and when you get your kids pets you're really getting your self a pet so you better be ok with the whole thing.

Although my oldest Emmaline who is 12 has a pet rat and I have very little to do with the care of her rat.

She loves animals as much as me so she is very capable of taking care of it. 

Remember when she got the pet mouse? Well it escaped one fateful day and Golly our cat with the instincts of a lion had a great time playing with it.

It later died of internal injuries.

That's the hazard of having the entire food chain under one roof.

Emma quickly grieved and then used her money to buy a rat.

The rat can't squeeze out of the cage.

It's a nice pet......except for the extra stink.

I can shut her door and hope her lungs can handle the extra air pollution.

Here is Tabitha giving Buttercup the rat a "kiss"

(Check out my crazy pillow I bought from my chiropractor. I love that weird huge thing.)

Have a lovely day!

I love Spring

p.s.

I found my keys.

I lost  them, not Nate.

I was too busy thinking he lost them so I forgot I left them in the bag I took to church.

That's the trouble with blaming. 

It never solves anything.

my life today

nothing like 2 blanket forts to keep kids happy and keep me doing positive thinking olympics.

Positive thinking Olympics is me saying to myself.......

"They are having fun. It's fine that they are making a mess. It's great, look at them have fun"

Sometimes it's easy for me to be positive. Sometimes I honestly am so laid back.

 I can be a positive thinking gold medalist! 

Today I'm having a harder time not freaking out and saying "NO, Go outside and quit trashing my house" or how about "Play with your toys in an orderly normal way that doesn't involve so much stuff and furniture"

AnnaKate is sluffing school. 

I slept in which means 

she slept in, and since her cousin is here on spring break she told me she wasn't going to school.

I obviously was too lazy or something to make her go.

She is going now to catch the last couple hours and pick up her homework.

Roller skating rebels

I don't look mad but I am. I'm on the phone with Nate trying to figure out where he put my keys.

I think he lost them but he thinks maybe I did.

Anyway I'm trapped and Gwen is missing out on a cousin party.

Sarah got picked up by her aunt to go to a different cousin party.

I am bugged.

So is Gwenyth

Luke just called from school and says he has a rash on his leg that burns....

Good thing our school is walking distance so I can go get him.

Ugh.....

This day.....

I'm still here

I'm still here.

Just incase you were wondering.

Thought I'd post some pictures of some of our fun outings.

Spring is coming on slowly.

Good thing.

On a hike near our favorite park there were 9 bald eagles flying above us

There are wetlands that surround the Great Salt Lake.

At the end of the month the birds will all be migrating back to these wetlands.

There is a board walk winding through the marsh.

It was so beautiful.

I'll be going back soon.

artistic look out tower don't you think.?

The long boardwalk winding through the wetlands.

I spend much of my time with funny emotional little girls.

Look at their moody faces.

I am just like them only bigger.

I'm confused by life right now.

As soon as I'm less confused I'll try to put into words what is so confusing.

I think I'm going to stop trying to find all the answers.

I think I'm going to stop trying to fix myself.

I think I'm just going to go with the flow.

Sometimes I think I have all the answers and I give my friends advice that they usually didn't ask for.

Lately I can see I'm the one that needs advice.

Or maybe I just need to have some fun and stop being so serious all the time.

I'm glad it's spring time. It feels like things can only get better.

Overall life is good.

My house is full of children right now. 12 to be exact.

It's almost always this full. 

I love how my house is so full of life.