More Hyrum pictures coming soon but for the time being I just thought I'd type a few lines to let you know I'm still here. I've been working on getting a website built. The pro I have doing it for me is great. I am also trying not to count down the weeks till school starts.....that means I'm counting down. 4 weeks and 6 days. The weather is perfect though so we are enjoying our last month of summer.
I've also been practicing some songs for the performance I have coming up on August 10. I'm performing at 2:30 and 6:30 on Friday the 10th at the Bountiful City park. I think it will be fun.....except for the times when I don't think it will be fun. That's another post. We are loving the Olympics, are you? It really makes me want to live in London for a summer or forever. I better go so I don't burn the dinner I'm trying to make.
See you soon
Kristen
Probably mad she couldn't get up and walk and run. She didn't like being a baby.
That sounds odd but it's true. She always seemed so frustrated at not being able to do what the big kids were doing.
Look how Gwenyth's blonde hair glistened
I love Sarah's fuzzy head
Those first few weeks I was nursing up to 22 hours a day. When they were about 5 weeks old I reluctantly realized I was going to have to supplement with formula.
What a relief that was.
Can I just say I dressed those babies so cute!
I think all this reminiscing has been my heart reminding my head that I have done hard things in the past and I can do hard things in the present and in the future.
I think my heart has been reminding my antsy impatient self to enjoy these last two babies (5 yr old babies) while I still have them at home.
These are years I can't get back.
There are days I count down to kindergarten.....then to all day first grade.
All day......
My heart turns my head back to the present.
Now is all you really have. The past is gone and the future is an illusion.
Be here now.
Be here now.
Be here now.
In body, in spirit.
Love the life you have now. It's all you truly have.
I told the kids we aren't going to have anymore fun till we've caught up on the laundry and cleaning.No more trampoline parks, water parks, BBQ's, nothin.
The laundry is under control, at least for the next hour.
I'm going to blog about girls camp. It was clear back in June but I must blog about it because it was one of the gifts this summer has given me.
I didn't know if I was going to be able to go. My husband had a big trial and my parents were on a trip. My husband's trial ended early and he sent me on my way.
God knew I needed a break in the mountains of Utah with some of my favorite girls.
This was our flag. Isn't it great! The armor of God is stylish and protective ;)
We went to the Heber Valley girls camp. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon's) built and owns this luxurious girls camp. It was so beautiful and fun. Bathrooms, showers, fridge and sink. I loved enjoying the out doors while still remaining clean and eating well.
There was even a lake we hiked down to and went canoeing on. Sorry no picture.
There were ropes courses and a giant scary swing.
Senior missionaries volunteer their time live up their for 6 months to run the camp.
Our fearless young women's president Cindy. She is so fun. She makes things fun for everyone.
This was our 3rd girls camp together.
Our Bishop. (Spiritual Leader of our congregation)
He is fun, talented and especially tender. He is a great teacher. The girls hang on every word as he teaches them.
One of the beautiful cabin's we stayed in.
Beautiful and comfortable inside.
My sweet Emmaline and one of her best friend's Kaytlin
My comfy bunk with a window. All 16 bunks in the cabins had window's.
I have loved serving in the young women's organization. I have loved being with my oldest daughter Emmaline.
Life is change.
It's time for some other lucky woman to get to serve and teach the girls.
I'm off to other adventures.
Namely
Cub Scouts.
Bishop called me into his office a couple weeks ago to release me from my duties in young women and to ask me to be the Wolf Den mother.
I laughed and said yes.
I laughed because I've always told my husband if he wants our boy to do scouts then it's all up to him because I watched my brother's suffer through all the way to their eagle scout awards and I refuse to suffer through with my boy.
If Luke doesn't want to earn all those merit badges and go on all those camps I won't be forcing him.
I said yes to the Bishop's request because I love my Luke and I'm excited to get to spend more time with him in a different way.
He happens to enjoy boy scouts.
As long as he is happy in scouts I guess I am too.
July 3rd we have the children's parade to the park where we enjoy dinner from one of the vendors and then live music and then an awesome fireworks show.
I neglected to take pictures of the live band or the fireworks because I was having to much fun dancing to the live band's music and then the fireworks were so fantastic and close and dropping ashes and debri that I didn't think to take a picture.
The parade the next morning is always a crowd pleaser. My favorite are the bagpipe players.
After the parade, breakfast at Nate's parents house. Nate and his brothers do the majority of the cooking. Aren't my mother in law's center pieces pretty.
The night of the 4th we always go out to my parents for a BBQ and my dad does fire works.
This year he out did himself.
They were loud and beautiful and thrilling.
I was too mesmerized to take pictures.
It has been such a treat to have my cousin Taylor here with us during all of our family festivities.
My brother David who lives in New York is the only missing one.
I thought I'd post some pictures of and a video of my outer life while I type out a little of my inner life.
How does that sound?
We went to City Creek Mall in Salt Lake tonight with my cousin Taylor.
It was relaxing and fun.
My kids are quite enamored with Taylor.
We all are.
Gwenyth's self portraits.
I found about 10 more like this on my phone.
I warned you last time that I wasn't done talking about menopause. If this is a topic that makes you squirm then you better find another blog to read and hopefully I'll be done talking about this soon. Here are some parts of the article by Dr. Christeane Northrup I found very true.
"Menopause Puts Your Life Under a MicroscopeIt is no secret that relationship crises are a common side effect of menopause. Usually this is attributed to the crazy-making effects of the hormonal shifts occurring in a woman's body at this time of transition. What is rarely acknowledged or understood is that as these hormone-driven changes affect the brain, they give a woman a sharper eye for inequity and injustice, and a voice that insists on speaking up about them. In other words, they give her a kind of wisdom—and the courage to voice it. As the vision-obscuring veil created by the hormones of reproduction begins to lift, a woman's youthful fire and spirit are often rekindled, together with long-sublimated desires and creative drives. Midlife fuels those drives with a volcanic energy that demands an outlet."
My marriage is a happy one. It always has been.....BUT.....
The past 2 years of being on a hormonal roller coaster has been a ride for both of us. We have stayed up for hours having intense "discussions" late into the night.
My husband attributed all this upset to my new found desires to pursue music, and to be honest I did too. I didn't know what had gotten into me. All I knew is there were some things about myself, my marriage and my life that I wanted to change, hence, many late night discussions.
I attributed the insomnia and headaches to my lack of sleep from the late night talks and my incessant desire to write and write and write, songs, poems, I even dreamed in rhyme.
The blog wasn't something I really wanted to do. I thought all this should be kept private and safe.
That was one of many arguments I got into with myself and with God.
By the grace of God Nate and I have been able to listen to each other, respect each other and work to change, grow and improve. I feel like we have grown closer and grown up a little. I'm grateful hormonal re landscaping didn't prove destructive to our marriage. It was definitely disruptive though.
Now back to the article
"If it does not find an outlet—if the woman remains silent for the sake of keeping the peace at home and/or work, or if she holds herself back from pursuing her creative urges—the result is equivalent to plugging the vent on a pressure cooker: Something has to give. Very often what gives is the woman's health, and the result will be one or more of the "big three" diseases of postmenopausal women: heart disease, depression, and breast cancer. On the other hand, for those of us who choose to honor the body's wisdom and to express what lies within us, it's a good idea to get ready for some boat rocking, which may put long-established relationships in upheaval. Marriage is not immune to this effect."
I didn't know how badly I needed an outlet. Looking back I can see that I felt the pressure cooker building. By the time I had 3 kids I felt like I might loose my self, loose my mind, loose something.
I did go into a depression.
I couldn't believe how incredibly hard it was for me to be what I thought a good mother should be.
I was so depressed that I was living my dream but that it turned out my dream was way too hard and I was in over my head.
I went crying to God a lot about it. How can this be? How could I not have known that I wasn't cut out for this life of wifehood and motherhood?
How could you send me these 3 children?
God is good.
He always has the solutions if we are open enough to receive them.
He helped me stop obsessing over my failings and start having some more fun! Do things I loved, simple things, hiking, gardening, taking guitar lessons, sininging.
If I was happier it helped me be happier and more content with my kids. Things didn't freak me out as much if I knew I was going to give myself a little time every day for fun and fulfillment .
"Every marriage, even a very good one, must undergo change in order to keep up with the hormone-driven rewiring of a woman's brain during the years leading up to and including menopause. If this makes you want to hide your head in the sand, believe me, I do understand. But for the sake of being true to yourself and protecting your emotional and physical health in the second half of your life—likely a full forty years or more—then I submit to you that forging ahead and taking a good hard look at all aspects of your relationship (including some previously untouchable corners of your marriage) may be the only choice that will work in your best interest in the long run, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
From the standpoint of physical health, for example, there is plenty of evidence to suggest that the increase in life-threatening illnesses after midlife, which cannot be accounted for by aging alone, is partly rooted in the stresses and unresolved relationship problems that simmered beneath the surface during the childbearing years of a woman's life, then bubbled up and boiled over at perimenopause, only to be damped down in the name of maintaining the status quo. The health of your significant other is also at stake. Remaining in a relationship that was tailor-made for a couple of twenty-somethings without making the necessary adjustments for who you both have become at midlife can be just as big a health risk for him as it is for you.
I feel like the main relationship that went through the most upheaval was my relationship with myself.
I have felt like 2 completely opposite people living in the same body over the past couple of years.
My old fearful reserved self and this new creature that is fearless and thinks everything is possible.
There were nights when my fearless self would be dreaming out loud to my husband and he would just stare at me like a deer in the headlights.
I've never gotten into so many arguments with myself. My fearful self had been holding my daring self captive for years. Now she was finding her way out and there was no stopping her.
Last summer I wrote a song called Status Quo.
It goes like this.
Un do what I've done
Un do what I've done
This road that I'm on leads straight to the unknown
I better stick to what I know, keep my life status quo
White are the color of my knuckles
my knees might buckle
my teeth are clenched so hard
I've gotta wear a mouth guard
un do what I've done
un do what I've done
If I keep going down this road
I might get lost in the unknown
I better turn on Oprah re runs and watch other people have fun
stick to what I know
keep my life status quo
But on my way home tonight I saw a shooting star
and I felt like hoping it was a sign
that this is my time
to turn around
and face my fears down
see all those fears living in my head?
maybe I could starve em till their dead
See all those fears living in my head?
Maybe I could starve em till their dead
cuz I ain't chasing no fame
and this is no game
but I'm gonna speak my truth without the beauty of my youth
but the boldness of my age
Cuz on my way home tonight I saw a shooting star
and I felt like hoping it was a sign
that now is my time to turn around
and face my fears down.
See all those fears living in my head?
I'm gonna starve em till their dead
see all those fears dying on the ground?
I just gave em a smack down.
cuz I ain't chasing no fame
and this is no game
but I'm gonna put my life in His hands
and He'll take me to the promised land
and every time I see a shooting star I'm gonna hope God's winking at me
Yes I'm gonna put my life in his hands and he'll take me to the promised land
and every time I see a shooting star I'm gonna hope God's winking at me
