Monday
The first day of summer break for the kids I new I needed a little extra something to get me through .
I could feel the anxiety caught in my stomach like very nauseating butterflies.
I new my kids deserved a mom that was relaxed and not so grouchy about their normal kid behavior.
I texted my Aunt Janeal who is basically my therapist.
She said she could get me in at 1 for a cranio sacral massage.
Haleluja.
As usaual she helped me talk through some things. She talked to me about things,
I gratefully absorb her wisdom.
She physicaly helps me let go of negative energy and tension and worry.
It feels so good and makes room inside my body and mind for happy and relaxed energy instead of tense worried energy.
I told my Husband when he got home from work how I went to see his aunt and it helps so much.
He said "your getting dependant"
I said "I sure am."
Just like I'm dependant on you and journal writing and song writing and praying and scripture reading, yoga, staring at the blue sky...........etc.
It's all one more tool in my tool box of things I have to do to keep from going crazy.
I was talking to a friend of mine and she said she is just getting resentful that she has to do all these types of things to get through the stress of life.
Why can't she just be happy?!
I don't have the answer but I know we all have to do what we have to do to keep ourselves happy and healthy.
Tuesday
was a crazy hectic day.
I didn't realize how much was scheduled on one day.
I really try to have as much nothing on my calender as possible but tuesday was a freak of nature.
I started the day our right with my regimen of sanity keeping activities.
(yoga, pray, read, journal, sing/shower)
It's a good thing to because the rest of the day hit me like a tornado.
Start laundry, feed kids cereal, take Em to a party. More laundry. Tend my friends 2 little girls, pick Em up.
Take Em and AK to voice lessons.
Laundry.
Take 4 little girls to park. 4 little girls get tired and hungry and fight and whine.
Take them home. Make mac and cheese.
Laundry.
Pick up Em and Kate. Feed them and have them do their chores.
Laundry.
. Make twins take a 30 min "nap" because they are being horrid.
Read my favorite blogs,
Laundry.
Take twins to a friends to play.
Contemplate packing up all my kids toys and most of their books and clothes and giving them away.
Contemplate the exerceise in utility that cleaning when you have kids is.
Contemplate how often I'd have to get my carpets cleaned for it to stay lookining clean.
Fantasize about all wood floors and no toys.
Think the family dentist appointments are at 2:30 but really it's at 2.
(I knew I should have double checked!)
Get there late so now Luke and I will have to reschedule.
Feel crazy.
Write about how I feel crazy in my iphone while I wait in the waiting room.
Back home.
Get icecream cones for the kids while we wait for the carpet cleaners to be done.
Take them up to this pretty pond while we wait.
The stream draining into the pond is raging.
Come home.
Admire the perfect sky and green hills.
give the dog a bath.
Make dinner.
Feel glad that most days are not like this!!!
Would you like to know what is happening in my little music world?
It's a world that mostly exists in my head for now.
I have 2 more songs I feel like I want on my demo.
I have 4 songs done.
A part of me wants to just be done with it and send it out into the world and then hide in my room and hope nothing comes of it.
The main part of me wants to put 2 more songs on it. I have my reasons.............. that I have written down safely in my journal.
Then send it out into the world happily and keep smiling and singing and trying and
"come what may and love it."
Picture by LeeAnn Samsel
It kind of looks like I know what I'm doing huh?
If only that were true.
I have to do the last 2 songs on my demo without Danny's help. :(
He is getting married in less than a month!
When I work on a song with Danny I feel legit.
It's more fun and I relax.
He is a real musician so it makes it feel like it's all going to be OK.
I on the other hand do not feel like a real musician.
It is mostly because I don't know how to play the guitar as well as I 'd like and I have very little experience performing.
There are solutions to these 2 inadequacies..................but I feel too inadequate to do them.
Despite my inadequacies I am going to the recording studio this weekend to get to work!
Hah! So there!
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