build it anyway

I meant to tell you the next day...

I did make the audition. 

They do want me to sing at the Kaysville City music and arts festival June 15.

 The satisfaction I felt with myself for facing a fear and auditioning was greater than the satisfaction I felt when I saw my name on the list of chosen performers. 

Interesting.
(they did spell my name Krisben Carol)

I hope me and "my band" find time to prepare some songs. 

Life is so full and busy for all 3 of us. It will take the stars aligning and heavenly intervention to get us all together.

***************************

I found some personal messages and meaning for me in this weeks Sunday school lesson. 

The lesson was about the building of the Kirtland Ohio temple.

These new converts to this new church were asked by their prophet Joseph Smith,
 who was asked by God, to build a Temple.
A holy house for the Savior.

5 months after Joseph Smith received that revelation to build the temple, not much had been done to begin the construction.
The Lord called them to repent and get going on it already!

Most of these brave struggling people were themselves were very poor.

They were struggling to keep a roof over their own heads, many of the men were off preaching in other lands, so how could they build a temple?

Their first plan was to  build a temple out of logs or boards.
I can certainly understand why they hadn't started.
But then again, the God of heaven and earth did command them to build it.

.

Joseph and his 2 counselors prayed together about how the building should be constructed.
A 3 dimensional model of the temple appeared in front of them. 

They saw the temple just like a hologram in front of their eyes.  (Think Star Trek)

Joseph came back to the people and said...
"Shall we build a house for our God, of logs?  No….I have a plan of the house of the Lord, given by Himself; and you will soon see by this, the difference between our calculation and his idea of things"
(quoted in Lucy Mack Smith, History of Joseph Smith)
See more of the  historical account here

As we were discussing what this must have been like for these early believers, I heard and felt in my mind, the spirit whispering to me. I also heard and felt my true self, my eternal self asking me, 

"Do you see?"

"Do you get it?"

And as I sat there, I did get it.

There is a woman God is asking me to be.  There are things my life's circumstances are requiring of me. My children ask everything of me. My house asks slave labor of me. My pets meow and bark their requests of me. My garden and yard stare at me with their wilting leaves, and weeds, trying to choke them out. 

My mortal body's needs are ever whining in my ear. "I'm hungry, I'm tired, I'm sore, I'm craving things that are bad for us, but I want them anyway and I want them now!"

I realized in Sunday school, over the last several months, I have come to the Lord with my suggestion that we just build me into a small log cabin instead of a temple. 
Obviously, I'm too poor to do more than this.
I'm too immature to be the adult in this house all the time.
 I can't afford to be the patient, early rising mother, with a smile and a hot meal.
We both know I'm too tired and weak for that. Let's get real. 

I'm too flawed and not smart enough to maintain a meaningful, hopefully, helpful blog.
Clearly you can see that Lord. Plus, I can't afford the time it takes. 

I'm too poor.
I'm too tired.
The house is a mess.
The kid's schedules are crowded and keep me running.

I can't afford to venture down some unknown singing, songwriting  path.

 I don't have that much talent in my wallet. 

I have some suggestions of some friends of mine that have way more talent in their wallet. 

Their bank account is loaded, so you could take your piercing to the heart,

 voice, over to their house and get much better results. 

I'm too poor.

I'm too poor to exercise consistently. It's too taxing on my reserves of energy. I can't afford to miss the sleep. 

How about you just bless me that my back will feel fine, even if I skip the Pilates….could you just make an exception for me?
 I know you love me so maybe you could just keep in mind that I'm too poor to eat healthy food.
It's expensive and it's so much easier to just eat the sweet and salty comfort foods that seem to be everywhere I go. You don't actually think I can NOT eat them, do you? 

This has been my rational for the past several months of slackery.
Yes. Slackery. It's a new word.
 It means giving yourself permission to slack off and do things with only half the energy they require. You know, because you think special allowances should be made for you because you don't have the energy it takes to do things the way they should  be done.

As I sat there in Sunday school I realized…...

God is asking me to build it anyway.
Just like he asked them to build it anyway.

Build it despite the poverty I see and feel.

Build the temple.

As if he were saying to me too…..

I asked for a temple, and a log cabin is not a temple.

Get up.

Go.

A log cabin is not what he is requiring from my hands.

A temple is.

A big, beautiful, expensive, carefully and skillfully crafted temple.

You are going to have to give up some sleep.
You are going to have to feel some sore muscles.
You are going to have to be stronger than your cravings.

You are going to have to face more fear. 

You are going to have to be uncomfortable more often than you already are.

You are going to be glad you did.

Oh help me now.