blue sky mind

Bleeding hearts in my back yard.
 A flower in the shape of a heart? How can that be?

 Praying my head off is like a regular thing.

 I don't pray my head off because I'm trying to be so good or because I think I should. 

I pray because I can't help it. I'm needy and I'm really homesick.  

I wish I could go back home and be loved and reassured that I'm doing right and that

 I'm still His favorite child. ;)

Then I could come back down here,

  plow through all my Costco shopping, laundry hauling, meal cooking, 

homework helping, bedtime putting life. I could face the confusing problems, I could handle with ease all the many things about this life that are hard, that just drag on and don't make sense.  

But if  I got to go home every day it would defeat the purpose of this life. 

 I get these glimpses of eternal perspective and drink from the "secret springs"
 but life keeps changing or worse, gets stagnant.
 I loose my footing and loose my perspective and feel lost again.
 I've worried that it was my fault. How could things be so clear, love and peace so strong then back to wandering in mental anguish again? Ugh! Not again!

It has been raining and raining . One night the storm was so fierce it woke me and Nate up. It was dark and windy.  It tore off lots of brand new leaves from our trees.  Tiny apricots were all over the grass too.

 But without all this spring rain  we wouldn't have our reservoirs filled.
  The trees and plants would die. 

 Is it the same with our mind and our personal growth? 

 Must we live in this illusion? We've got to be lost in a storm for awhile?

  During all these weeks of rain and dark skies the sky has still been blue up there above the clouds.
 We just can't see it.
 The sky never changed color, it is always blue.
Clouds just block our view.
Things look worse in our minds than they really are because our perceptions are distorted.
Clouds of thoughts from the atmosphere darken our blue sky mind.




This post was brought to you today by...........
 my own storms and illusions, and by............
 the inspiration and guidance I am getting from M. Catherine Thomas' book
Light in the Wilderness.
You should read it.

Here is my newest song
Secret Springs

It's not perfect :(
Nate told me some parts of it that he wants more of so now I'm thinking I need to reconfigure the melody a bit........
this is what it sounds like for now anyway

P.S.
Nathan, thanks for spending all evening helping me
 instead of doing your P90X work out.
Your so nice to me and I love you