how things really are

Sometimes I'm not that grounded. 

Sometimes I'm floaty off in space, not sure of who or where I am.

 I forget things. I don't want to engage in my real life. 

I drift of to some place in my mind.
 It can be quite nice......

 but it can also cause me to have an apathetic attitude about my life and feel disappointed with reality. 

The funny thing is, that over all, my reality is nothing to be disappointed about. 

I was praying about this the other day.

 How can I be more grounded and less up in the clouds? 

The answer came to me to write about how things really are. 

So I do.

 In my journal, in my songs, and tonight, in my blog.

My fruit trees are blossoming. That makes me happy.
I kept up with the laundry today. Every time I came or went I was switching out loads and quickly hanging up and folding a basket of clothes. 

I went to a funeral today, of a wonderful woman in our neighborhood. She has lived a long and rich life. I felt so so happy for her. She lived an honorable life, and now she has returned home!

 I felt like I wanted to try harder to live a good, and even a great life.

 So that when I die, it will be a joyful, peaceful occurrence. 

I stopped myself from feeling guilty and critical of myself as a mother today. 

That is like dodging a bullet. 

I'm glad I was able to dodge the guilt and comparison bullet. 

You know......"compared to so and so I am such a mediocre  mom" 

My twins got to go on a field trip all day to the zoo. Sarah asked if I was one of the moms coming with. I said no. She got all pouty and asked 

"Why don't you ever come to school with us?"

 For a minute I felt bad that I didn't volunteer more, I even considered changing out of my pajamas and throwing my hair in a pony tail and seeing if there was room on the bus to the zoo.
But then I answered honestly.
"Because I like being with you at home" And that's the truth. I do volunteer  or come with them to school but I'm no weekly regular. I like taking care of, and being with them at home.
 When they go to school, I'm happy for the break!
I'm happy to be alone and I enjoy my own company. There is nothing wrong with that.
 I stopped myself from comparing myself to the moms who go every week and are the room moms and PTA presidents.
It felt good to accept myself and even approve of myself. Sarah quickly got over her pout and had a great time at the zoo. 

I haven't posted about music lately. It's not that I've dropped that passion. I have not.
 I haven't wanted to talk about it as much lately.
 I just want to enjoy it.
Enjoy writing songs. Enjoy creating them and making them better with my guitarist Ryan.
Enjoy recording them and polishing them with Kurt.
Enjoy listing to them.

The whole sharing them on Facebook  and putting them up for sale and advertising myself feels so uncomfortable.
It feels like is saps some of the joy right out of the process because then I have to wonder what other people think of a song.
 I have to wonder if anybody will even listen to it or download it.
It's just embarrassing. I'd prefer not to have to be the one trying to sell myself.
Awkward.
But, for now, I'll keep doing my best to put the songs out there.
 I'll try to get a thicker skin and not worry about what anybody thinks of me, or my songs, or my voice, or my motives, or my lyrics, or whatever.
I'll live and learn.

happy fool's day

Last night when we got home from all of our family Easter festivities I heard one of my kids say

 "Why is there a bear on the toilet?"

 I pictured in my mind a stuffed bear having fallen in the toilet, so I was about to get a plastic bag to get it out.

 "Don't flush it!"

 I walked in and saw this instead......

I was so confused.

Then I remembered Emmaline and I saw this on the fridge and didn't look at it long enough to realize it was weird.

Toilet Tattoos???

Yes.

On all four of our toilets.

"The only way to crown your throne"

I knew which friends would do something like this.

Our neighbors the Brownings.

We all got a great laugh! :D

The kids thought it was so so fun to have a prank pulled on us. 

After scriptures and prayer Emmaline got on pinterest and found all these ideas and pranks she wanted to pull on the Brownings.

The kid's imaginations went wild.

As I was helping Sarah get ready for bed her mind and mouth were jabbering out idea after idea.

"Lets sneak over and put make up on Clint while he sleeps"

"Let's put doll clothes on their cat Charlie"

"Let's write a letter from Charlie and have him sign it with his paw print"

And a about 100 other ideas.

We finally got the kids to bed. Not fully realizing little April fool's pranksters had been unleashed.

As Nate and I were watching a program on TV we heard noises downstairs and in the hall, but we ignored it because that's what you do when you're really tired and you don't care anymore if your kids sleep or stay up all night.

We got ready for bed and Nate told me I had big hair.

Big hair like Cher.

So I took a picture for posterity.

And a picture for me when I'm old and my hair isn't what it used to be.

Big Hair.

I like.

Then I opened our bedroom door to go downstairs for something and was startled and freaked out by this little army of creatures outside our door staring at me.

Look closer.

They are armed.

With my silver ware.

Funny and freaky.

This morning the twins told me they woke up "in the middle of the night" to go down and put lipstick on their big sister's faces. Instead, the big sisters and the little sisters pulled that trick on us,

 and then they all slept in the same room like best friends. 

Doesn't that make you smile?

It does me.

My kids fight.....but, the majority of the time they are so close and fun and sweet together.

Emmaline and Luke did end up pulling some pranks on the Brownings.

Kristy and Jax have a strong disdain for cotton balls.

Weird, I know.

Emmaline capitilized on this phobia and left them a little baby doll holding cotton balls! Oh No!

They also taped cotton balls to the underside of car door handles and steering wheels. 

Sorry Kristy.

Maybe this exposure to cotton balls will start to cure you of your phobia. 

I got this text & pic from Kristy this morning.

She said...

"I'm having a hard time looking at it. It's all stuck to her hands and spread out. 

I'm feeling nauseous talking about it"

This is so funny to me.

It's making me laugh :)

Hope your day is funny and all the pranks are friendly ones.

twin birthday's and bonding

December 21st was Gwenyth and Sarah's 6th birthday.

Not the most convenient day for a birthday party.

Much to their dismay we waited and had a party for them January 11.

 That was their actual due date and a much more practical day to be born and expect to have time for a party. 

I'm not that into throwing birthday parties. I figure it's a day for me to party and enjoy life too. 

I birthed them that day for goodness sake.

I'm more  a fan of going out to dinner at their favorite restaurant.

This isn't what kids think is the funnest idea though, so out of the goodness of my heart I throw my kids a friend birthday party every other year.

All 4 of my girls somehow came to earth with the Martha Stewart crafty gene.

They love to make things with their hands. They love to plan and decorate for parties.

I think they get it from their Grammy Caroline.

For their birthday party they planned to wear matching out fits. They are twins who like to be different and separate so this was a rare moment of cooperation and sameness.

I let them help make cupcakes, then we went to Dollar Tree and bought decorations and party favors.

Thank goodness for Dollar Tree.

We played games.

We danced to Taylor Swift and The Black Eyed Peas

We opened presents and that was that.

They thought it was great and it was pretty fun and painless for me too.

I'm growing up.

Something is changing in their heads and hearts.

This morning they were playing UNO together. Whispering and giggling.

Yesterday too, in fact all week they have been best friends 95% of the time.

They have even been planning matching outfits, laying them out on the floor.

Sleeping in the same bed so they can snuggle and talk?....What is up?

It's not that they never get along, it's just normally its 50% best friends and the other 50% worst enemies.

I hope and pray it continues. 

It has been a joy to eavesdrop. 

Silver Compass

Hey there.

I recorded 

Silver Compass.

If you want to hear it or download it for .99 cents go to my reverberation page.

 See the link up there at the top of my blog?

It was a fun and rewarding project.

It sounds a bit different than it did when I sang it live at Summerfest.

I love the new sound. 

My mom and my friend Kaytlin weren't so sure about the new version. 

They said it was really good but then so was the other way. 

I think it kind of morphed over time. When I wrote it I was mad. 

I'm not mad anymore, so singing it I sound more introspective and less "in your face!"

Have I told you of Ryan Miller?

He is the guitarist I have hired to help me record my songs.

I can play the guitar well enough to write but recording them is another story. Plus I am so limited in what I can play that I hear all these great things in my head, on the guitar, but my dear little fingers can't translate and produce the sounds! 

So that's when you hire a guitarist. 

So I did.

With my husband's hard earned cash.

Just kidding.

It's OUR money. 

We both work hard to create this life of ours. 

This Saturday I went to Ryan's studio. It was very fun. We wanted to practice some songs and 

play around with some ideas I've had knocking around in my head for a while now. 

I had to make that sentence bigger because that was the best part.

Can I tell you how satisfying it is to order up on the guitar the sounds and styles and rhythms I want to hear? 

It's very satisfying.

I'm very thankful for Ryan's skill and talent! 

Can I also tell you that I love to sing into a microphone? 

Even though I kept cracking and singing flat......

what is up with my voice?

Weakened from dis-use...... 

The lights and smoke machine were pretty ssssweeeeet.

Happy Valentines 

I love taking pictures of myself.

Even though it makes me wonder if I'm being weird for loving taking pictures of myself,

 and posting them. 

Happy Winter

Someday when my twins are school all day I will print my blog out into books as a record of our family. 

It certainly isn't a complete record and it's all from my point of view but it's better than nothing.

 I say this because I am posting a billion pictures tonight. What am I going to do with all my pictures ? All my blurry, grainy iPhone pictures? 

The only thing I seem to have time to want to do is instagram, Facebook and an occasional blog. 

That will have to to for the stage of life that I'm in now.

Christmas Morning

Waiting to come down to the living room to see what Santa brought.

Gwenyth has that look on her face because her throat was sore.

They all slept in the twins room together. What cuties.

Em chilling out on her new bean bag with her darling bunny Bambie

Sarah teaching her duck Wellington how to play on her new leap pad.

Christmas at Grammy and Pappa's.

What's a kid to do with all those cousins?

Party and have lots of fun!

This year was a special treat for me.

I went to visit my mom's side of the family in Georgia over Christmas break.

Nate has work off every year. He and the kids went with his side of the family up to our Hyrum house and had fun while I went down to the warm sunny south.

Just me and my sister! Can you imagine how fun and restful ?

They only live in one of the most beautiful places ever.

We would walk around the property and their horse Eli would follow us. What a good boy. He'd come galloping after us if we got to far ahead. 

 Tabitha's little sister Abigail.

She is literally half the size of my Tabby.

 Oh the Georgia winter wheat fields!

Chilling out in the beautiful Windsor Hotel.

I love old buildings.

My favorite old country church on the road home to my aunt and uncle's house.

With a very peaceful and slightly spooky cemetery behind it. 

I love the Spanish moss hanging front the trees.

My aunt and uncle have many darling doggies. 

Bryant doing his one and only trick. 

My sister was ready to put him in her carry on and take him home.

My beautiful cousin Taylor .

She is a talented and natural rider.

My auntie and sis.

And then I came home.

To my kids and mess and life and thank goodness my husband. 

He makes life seem easy.

My Emmaline is growing up fast.

I'm usually too distracted to notice but sometimes it shocks me.

Tabitha is my Georgia born and raised puppy but she has become a snow dog.

 She digs in it and rolls in it with joy.

Our cozy house.

We were buried in 2 feet of snow by the end of the storm.

The best is the sunshine and blue skies after the snow storm.

 It didn't last long but  it was beautiful.

Now I understand where the term "snow bunnies" comes from.

I took Emmaline's bunny out in the snow to see what she would do.

She is a 6 month old domestic dwarf bunny who has never seen snow.

In minutes she was digging and pushing her face in it and digging some more.

She built herself a real live tunnel with 2 snow caves. She was completely hidden and warm and happy.

Wow. What a smart bunny!

Our chickens on the other hand are very opposed to snow. They stay in their coop and only peek out the window. Luke was nice enough to try and tamp down some of the powdery snow so they could come out for a drink of water. 

I want 10 more bunnies, she is so cute!

All right then. I am sort of caught up.

Happy winter.

We are now covered in a 2 inch sheet of ice. 

We had ourselves a real ice storm. You know the kind that usually happens in Illinois or Arkansas? 

I prefer snow over ice.

I don't even dare walk out my front door. 

So I didn't.

I hope I'm not going nuts tomorrow.