post vacation crash

I just got back from a vacation. There were no children involved. Only the ones in utero. Two of my sister in law's are expecting babies. One at Thanksgiving time and one at Christmas time. The California coast line is so awesome. Getting so relaxed on the beach showed me how uptight I've been. I wonder if I lived on the beach with my family if I could stay more relaxed and happy? Just the sound of the ocean alone is thrilling and calming at the same time. Maybe I wouldn't let my kids drive me crazy if the ocean were right outside my window. Maybe the waves would pull off all my frustrations as they arose. Like now. I have one child who's alarm didn't go off and is still taking their sweeeeeeeet time getting ready. Taking a loooooong shower. Beating eggs and scrambling them. Can't find anything to wear…. I'm trying not to flip out! I'm just going to have to go on my walk and leave this certain child here to get ready in SLO MO before I go crazy. Guess what prospective parents, you will have no control over your children. You will think you should, you will try to find ways to Parent them but in the end you are pretty much at the mercy of there independent will. I can take away privileges but that sure ain't making this kid move it! I'm going to go walk and count my blessings and hope for the best~

summer singing

Over the summer  I was invited to sing my songs at 3 different events. 

In June I went up to our ward's girls camp.  

The Miller's and I played in Logan Canyon before going to sing at girls camp.

I felt dizzy and weak the whole time. I have issues. Physical, emotional, ancestral. 

I was going to sing for people who are so kind and loving and accepting and I was still having weird stuff going on in my body. 

One of these days I must post about all the amazing people and practitioners I've met because of all my physical and emotional issues.

I've learned that our pain and our poor health can take us on a journey that is full of surprising learning experiences and amazing people with gifts to share. 

Baby Tessa is so delightful I can hardly stand it. 

A few minutes before I was to go up and sing and speak I got down on Tessa's blanket with her. I just laid there hoping whatever weird static energy that was stuck in me would be pulled out by the earth. Sweet Tessa snuggled right on me, laying on my chest. It was heaven and just what I needed. 

After the first song all the weird dizzy, pass out feelings evaporated and I had a wonderful time. I shared my heart and felt happy and safe and it was all well received. 

Emmaline and AnnaKate had to deal with their mom giving an hour long "show" and their dad leading a hike through the wind caves while teaching life lessons. They were good sports about it. 

The best thing about singing publicly for me has been how my kids like me more when I do. 

They don't treat me like the naggy mom, 

they treat me like they are proud of me. 

At least for about 15-30 minutes after I perform. I'll take what I can get! It's an awesome 15- 30 minutes. 

The Camp theme was "Together We Can" . 

Well if that doesn't sound like a song I don't know what does. 

I wrote a song for them! I called it "Together" I like it. It was fun to write and fun to sing and has a catchy chorus. 

The girls really seemed to like it. That was really rewarding.  It was really fun to write it and then have Ryan, the worlds sweetest guitarist, play the guitar and make it sound so good. 

 Lately I can't write a song unless I have a really specific reason. 

I take that back.

 I can write a song but I haven't been finishing or polishing any songs these days. 

I write enough of a song that I feel like it got whatever emotion or thoughts were jamming up my head and heart and then I'm done with it. 

I really hope I write and finish songs again. 

I used to really like it. 

In July we had our Morris Family trip to our Hyrum house in Hyrum Utah. 

We have a talent show every year for the kids and some of the funny adults share their "talents" too. 

I'm not funny and I don't know how to be goofy and hilarious so I avoid participating in this family show. This year though, my father in law insisted that I bring my guitar and sing. 

I brought my guitar and it didn't even make me nauseous to look at it in the corner of our room. 

I sang a couple songs in front of our family. I care about what they think so its much harder for me to sing for people I love than for people I don't know. I'd way rather sing for strangers than for family. 

I think I've made some kind of progress because It didn't make me queasy.

 I just sang and sounded good enough even with mistakes and it was fine. 

The last place I sang was at a social we had for church. 

Ryan was so sweet and brought over his nice speaker and other technical equipment. I was bummed he couldn't just come and play the guitar for me but he was playing at another party that night. 

My daughter Emmaline saved the day. While I played the guitar she played the ukulele and harmonized and totally relived me of the uncomfortable feeling of being on display "performing" 

If I could just be more like my daughter Emmaline. 

She shares her talents with happy grace. 

What a love she is. 

With the kids home and being out of town on vacations and then to have my health tank in August, 

this was all I did in the way of singing and performing this summer. 

It was enough. 

I have spent some time worrying that I'm not doing enough, that I'm somehow a slacker or a failure. 

My mom reassured me today that I'm doing what I feel I need to do each day. 

That really is the truth.

She totally saved the day when she called and basically answered all the questions I'd asked of God that morning. 

Thank heaven for inspired mothers. 

One day when I'm feeling really techy I'm going to figure out how to post my song "Together" on sound cloud and then I'll share it with you. 

General Conference

This weekend is General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
I watched it all day Saturday and will watch again all day Sunday.

It is food for my soul, mind, heart. It is fuel and peace and comfort for my life. It is a heavenly pep talk while I rest from the work of life. It gives me the rest and the motivation to get back up, go back out and live my life closer to Christ. I study and listen over and over for the next 6 months until the next conference.

seeing my voice

The voice I found 5 years ago I seem to have placed on a shelf… for the most part.  It was a gift I so enthusiastically and gratefully developed when I was 36 and now that I'm 41 I'm wondering what I do next?

Life's responsibilities and quandaries and my own health has taken all my time and energy. 

I don't really have the heart to sing and write the way I did 5 years ago or even 2 years ago.  

My brain has been in a bit of a fog. Between the health issues and my own questions and puzzles I've been feeling like I'm wandering through a dark forest. There are some beautiful things to be enjoyed in this dark forest but I sure feel lost sometimes. 

Hopefully, it feels like my energy is starting to come back and I think I've found the help and answers I need get back to feeling healthy again. 

Maybe I'll feel creative again. 

Maybe I'll feel like I can concentrate long enough to re-learn all I have forgotten on the guitar and ukulele.

 I'm feeling the desire to complain about my lack of talent and memory when it comes to playing musical instruments. 

I'd like to complain that I don't have time because of my kids and the way they drop everything on the floor then go to school and then come home and drop more things on the floor and leave dishes and food everywhere and then they have all these needs and they need me to take them to the store and then they get sick and they need Popsicles and soup and for me to take them to the doctor. 

I'd like to complain that I'm not that good at delegating and getting my kids to help and that I'm not that organized and I have too much stuff that I don't know how to keep it all in the right places. 

I'd like to complain but I'm turning a new leaf and only thinking positive thoughts and having hope for the future and keeping all this in perspective because in the eternal scheme of things whats a few dishes in the sink and kids stuff all over the floor. Right? No big deal. First world problems. I can just focus on gratitude and flowers and rainbows and chocolate and just do yoga and meditate and pray all day long and all night long and leave the big messy house and go to lunch with my awesome girl friends all day. Right? Right. 

I'm trying to figure life out right now.

I'm trying to figure out what the heck my body needs to feel good. 

I'm trying to hear God everyday. 

I'm trying to find the right balance in my life. How much time do I devote to all that I know I want to do and learn? How do I do it and still keep my house in order and my kids loved? 

As you can see, these are hard math problems and I'm lost. 

I'm making light of my journey so I can just move on. 

There is so much I have been learning and doing and struggling with. 

I want to be true to myself right now and give myself credit for the deep things I've been learning and strugling to learn. 

It's no joke but it helps to laugh about it. 

I finished my 10 song CD in march and put it on iTunes July 1, 2015.

You can go buy it. 

I loved making it. 

I love the people I made it with. 

I like the pretty cover my best friend designed. 

I'd like to write more songs and record but I just haven't had the desire.

My mind and heart has been very much focused on where our world is headed.

Where is our world headed? Where is America headed? 

What is going on and why do things feel intense? 

Why do we all disagree so much? How can we feel and think so differently about the same situations and problems? 

I don't get it. 

I'm headed to the beach soon and I really need it.

The ocean can reprogram my brain and set it to 

"Be calm. You don't know anything but that's ok"

Maybe that will be my next song.

Love,

Kristen

He is trying to talk to you.

It's been a happy day in Facebook land today. 

My friend and I love to send each other all the gems we find. 

I loved this one she sent over. 

We live across the street from each other and would love to hang out all day while our kids are at school, however we are trying to be grown ups who are semi responsible. 

So we just watch Facebook and YouTube videos while we pretend to clean and cook and organize but really we flop on the couch and send each other all the fascinating, touching, moving  stories that are all over the Internet.

 No no no, we really are cooking and cleaning and being wonderful women and mothers, we've just mastered the art of watching videos and reading articles WHILE we are organizing and being amazing. 

What I'm trying to tell you is that HE is trying to talk to me.

He is trying to talk to you.

Hearing his voice in my day to day really does calm me down, just like that tiny, naked baby girl. 

I feel like her so much of the time. Do you?

September 22

      September 22

"Trust Me and refuse to worry,  for I am your Strength and Song. You are feeling wobbly this morning, looking at difficult times looming ahead, measuring them against your own strength. However, they are not today's tasks--or even tomorrow's.  So leave them in the future and come home to the present, where you will find Me waiting for you. Since I am your Strength, I can empower you to handle each task as it comes. Because I am your Song, I can give you Joy as you work alongside Me.

Keep bringing your mind back to the present moment. Among all My creatures, only humans can anticipate future events. This ability is a blessing, but it becomes a curse whenever it is misused. If you use your magnificent mind to worry about tomorrow, you cloak yourself in dark unbelief. 

However, when the hope of heaven fills your thoughts, the Light of My Presence envelops you. Though heaven is future, it is also present tense. 

As you walk in the Light with Me, you have one foot on earth and one foot in heaven."

Exodus 15:2  ; 2 Corinthians 10:5 ;

Hebrews 10:23

Jesus Calling

Enjoying Peace in His Presence

by 

Sarah Young

In the Beginning

Hi.
My dear friend Kurt from Onion Street Studios made a little movie about my musical beginnings at his studio.

I can't wait for part two.
I love a good story.

I figured out why I was paralyzed and scared to do anything for fear of making a mistake.
I'll tell you that story when I get back in town. I'm going to Women's Conference. I need a good conference with women, about women, for women.

Hope you enjoy the video. I must catch this blog up to what I have been doing currently.
I will.