11/11 at 11:11

{I had to document this moment. The 11th month, the 11th day, the 11th hour, the 11th minute}

I've been getting myself untangled from a mental trap.

I've been working on untangling myself for a couple of months now.

It's a trap that has kept me from being creative or doing things that I love. 

I think it is a universal law that if you don't create or do what you love you will get sick. I thing it is a universal law that if you don't let yourself pursue what you are passionate about you will get depressed and you won't be living the life you were meant to live. 

I know this because I've done this to myself. I've held back. I've avoided taking action for fear of failing or looking dumb or weird. 

I think it's time to be done with that way of living.

It isn't healthy. 

I like healthy.

I spend lots of time energy and money on getting myself healthier.

I've been feeling way better these day. I think I'm untangled. 

I feel free and happy most of the time. 

I think its all the good stuff I've been eating but even more than that I think it's all the good stuff I've been thinking and feeling and reading.

I think it's all the drama and negative stuff I haven't been letting my self think. 

 {the mountains across the valley. I live in a beautiful place}

I took a hike yesterday and saw an old truck I've never noticed before. It's crazy I haven't noticed it because I've walked this path for years. This summer it's been covered up with grass and shrubs.  Fall has made everything die back and exposed it. Something about the light yesterday must have made the colors pop out at me. 

I hiked down to it to get a closer look at this truck that seemed to appear from nowhere. 

It's obviously been here a while. Proof being the big bush growing from it. 

I love the colors of this old truck. I love the shrub growing up out of where the old engine is.

I don't want to be like this old truck. 

Stuck. Motionless. A shrub growing where it's engine used to rev and hum.

I've known people who are stuck. Weeds in their engine. I think sometimes I've been that stuck person.

It feels like I need to rev up my engine and get moving before the weeds swallow me up. 

I've been believing more and more that it is safe to make mistakes. It's safe to be imperfect. It's safe to try things and be a little messy at it. It's OK. Everything is going to be OK and you don't know what the future holds. 

There is something liberating in that. 

Life has thrown me some surprising twists the past few months. 

I've liked it for the most part.  It is somehow freeing knowing I don't know much. I like knowing that I can just do the best I can with the limited insight I have and leave the rest to God.

"Let go and let God"

That might be a cliche but it still feels like a relief to me.  

I'm trusting that all the trouble in the world and in my own community will work out. 

I'm having faith that all things will work together for our universal good. 

God can make good come from the "bad" stuff.

 In the end it's all good.