I crave funny

I crave funny.

Do you?

I'm always hoping for funny things to happen, funny people to be around, funny TV shows, funny situations. 

I love it when there is something or someone that really makes me laugh.

I have a brother. He is funny. I crave being around him.

From the time he was growing in our mother's womb I have loved him.

I loved watching her belly twitch when he'd get the hiccups.

I loved watching her eat huge amounts of food and tell me half was for the baby.

I loved him when they brought him home all red and squirmy and screaming. 

I remember my parents being stressed and tired that first day.

I remember trying to help my mom change his diaper.

He was mad and red and I loved him so much.

He is no longer mad or red. He is handsome and very funny.

The other night when I was depressed about something or other I decided to read his twitter posts to make me laugh.

They worked like a little happy pill.

I'll write down a few for you so you can take a happy pill.

(his twitter/facebook posts are in green and my commentary is in black)

"Why is it that all the drunk losers can spot a catch but all the men who showered and went to work today just can't meet the right person?"

"Being a sports fan must be exhausting; the emotional investment in something completely out of your control, the color coordination...."

That is why I'm not a sports fan.

"Mailing some letters and accidentally dropped a glove into the mailbox, so then I put my other glove in too."

"Before you send a text message, ask yourself, am I acting like a crazy person?"

"Gentleman, a ponytail does not compensate for your receding hairline and bald spot. 

Own it."

"I think cooking fish in an apt building should require authorization from your neighbors."

"There's always a moment after the first time I wash a new pair of jeans that I'm afraid they're not going to fit anymore. 

#Deep knee bends." 

"I take my time in the airplane lavatory; The solitude is worth the risk of almost being sucked down the toilet."

I do to!!! Airplane toilets are alarmingly loud.

"Is there a marriage counselor somewhere advising couples to have a joint Facebook page?

 It's not called Facesbook.

 One face."

"I don't like getting sent straight to voice mail. It makes me feel like I didn't have a fair shot."

"It's always great to meet someone that finds your particular brand of crazy to be endearing."

After Oprah went off the air he said...

"No matter what I accomplish in my life I will never be on Oprah. 

Really, what's the point now?"

Uhh I had this exact sad thought when Oprah went off the air.

"Don't freak out at your spastic child when you're the one that gave him a slurpee with two straws."

"I'm going to treat dating like real estate; I'm not looking for a "fixer-upper" .

 Not even one in a good neighborhood."

"I don't understand sweat bands. If you're sweating that much then I think you should take a break."

There now. Wasn't that a nice happy pill?

I