brain cleansing after a busy week

I haven't stopped being a grown up since I made those chicken tacos on monday!

(I just have to post these pictures of us looking so happy and color coordinated as a reminder that it's not always this nuts at my house)
Oh look! We are so happy and darling.

When I was young I used to think my mom stayed home in a quiet clean house all day doing not much of anything.

  I loved the way her life looked. 

  I never really saw her cleaning much so I thought the house just stayed clean for weeks at time and every once in a while she'd clean it.

  It seemed to me she took a nap every day. She'd study the scriptures and seemed to know everything. 

She read stacks of other books too. Novels, histories, biographies. 

She would spend hours crosstitching. Not just simple little ducks and bunnies but these amazing woven masterpieces done on linen.

 She'd take walks and hikes too. I'd come home from school to a clean peaceful quiet house. 

There would be good food and sometimes even a cake on the counter for an after school snack. 

Cake. 

 It really made me excited to be a mother. 

I think it also gave me this false fantasy notion that being a full time mom allowed for lots of free time. 

 I now know that she was way more organized than me. She was  up at 5a.m., working and cleaning everyday, and that her life wasn't all hiking and napping.

 But still somehow the fantasy persists in my imagination

 And so on the particularly crazy days or weeks of my life I start to get highly annoyed! 

I need a nap! I need cake!

5 kids has felt like 10 kids this week! 

Since when is my life so crazy? Why all the incessant needs? Long homework projects? 

Late night store runs! Drama in the morning!

This morning Nate and I were so baffled by parenthood. 

We were so confused at how to handle a situation that I'm pretty sure we both blew it. 

I asked him how did 2 nice people like us become such flunky's in the parental skills?

My brother James was giving my cousin advise once.
 He said. 

"If you want to become a bad parent, have kids"

It really made me laugh.

(I love Sarah and Gwenyth's face and body language in this picture. )

Plus the fact that it is brown and dead outside isn't helpful. No snow, dead trees, brown grass,
white sky.....I am so nature deprived.

 This time of year I always ask myself "why do I live in Utah?" 

Then I tell my husband I want to move and he smiles and doesn't believe me. 

Have I ever sung for you a song I wrote and dedicated to myself?
 It's called
 "Moodiest Creature Alive"

"I'm the moodiest creature alive. I can cry and yell and think my life is.......
(no, I'm not going to swear just because it rhymes)
I can cry and yell and think my life is
Drab.
So drab.
But in a few hours. Or in a few minutes. I'm happy as a clam. Dreaming again.
Why?
can't I?
Be so steady.
Predictable and free
free from these moods
that torture me"

  Don't you find that to be a fitting song for me tonight? 

I'll have to sing it for you sometime......as soon as I figure out how to work my awesomely user friendly mac laptop.....
I'm just a big stupor of thought when ever I try to make a video on this machine. 

 I'm trying not to worry too much about that. 

Stupors of thought serve a purpose I'm sure.

I think for my next post I'm going to go searching for nature in my neighborhood. I'm going to prove to myself that Utah out my window isn't that ugly after all.




Se

See. 

Utah is so beautiful.

Just not out my windows in February.

Well I am feeling a bit better after that brain cleanse. 

I hope I haven't made you feel worse.

Tomorrow I'm going to make more of an effort to be positive and get swept away in the beauty of my life! 

Because I know it's beautiful 

under all the dead grass and busy days. 

Let's hope the kids cooperate with my plan ;)

Now I'm going to go look at my kids while they sleep. 

Then I am going to kiss them and whisper love in their ears.

Have a great day and I will too!