I have these moments of joy and enlightenment surge through my body and soul often.
Everything is clear.
Everything is good.
I see value and purpose in all aspects of life.
In those moments I long to stay there in that clear place.
I long to send all that clarity and joy out into the world.
I want to capture it in writing, in singing, in journaling.
I want to give it to my children.....you know to make up for all the ways I feel I'm not giving enough.
I want to give it to my children.....you know to make up for all the ways I feel I'm not giving enough.
These moments sometimes last for hours. Sometimes only a few minutes.
I'm always trying to find my way back to them. How did I get there last time?
Was it something I did or something that just happened?
I'm trying to get there today. I'm in an odd place. Some of my closest friends and family members are in hard painful places in their lives.
I love them so it feels like it's my life too. I realized yesterday how easily I can come all undone.
I hear about the drama and it sends me to my knees crying. Begging.
"Thy Will Be Done!'
I don't even know what to pray for. I feel like a confused little child as I wonder what to even pray for or do for my loved ones in these situations.
I'm also at a strange waiting place in my own life. Waiting for closure. Waiting to see what I should do next. Wanting so much to feel like I'm doing what God wants me to do.
I just want to please him. I just want him to take my life over so I know that I'm using my time on earth wisely.
I've been thinking that's why being pregnant and caring for a newborn is so satisfying and fulfilling.
I KNOW I am using my time and my whole body wisely then.
I was reminded of an eternal truth last night as I was watching Nanny McPhee with my kids.
Oh the wisdom of Nanny McPhee.
How I wish I had her powers of low, calm taking, with a magic staff to deliberately pound when necessary!
The wedding scene at the end when Simon the oldest son is asking Nanny McPhee what he should do. The horrible Ms. Quickly is storming off and no longer wants to marry their dad.
He knows there must be a wedding to save his siblings from poverty, but who?
Wise Nanny tells him to think. He is a very smart clever boy.
Think.
Then the children realize that Evangeline and Daddy love each other and should marry!
The children help daddy and Evangeline realize it too.
The children help daddy and Evangeline realize it too.
Everything goes from a mess to magic!
The heavens open and send down snow making everything white and new.
I love this movie.
It makes me cry. I love it because it's true.
I love it because I feel like Simon asking Nanny McPhee what to do.
Except I'm me and I'm asking God my Heavenly Father.
Just tell me what to do "I love to obey thy command!" to quote a line from a favorite hymn of mine. Sometimes I hate it but God loves me enough to let me think on my own.
To let me think, what do I want? What do I think would work best?
Then he magnifies and multiplies my efforts. I've seen and felt him do this in my life over and over.
I've felt the energy shift from mess to magic in my body and soul, in my car, in my room where ever I happen to be.
Saying I am grateful for these moments is an understatement.
I've felt the energy shift from mess to magic in my body and soul, in my car, in my room where ever I happen to be.
Saying I am grateful for these moments is an understatement.
Shouting Glory Hallelujah is much more fitting.
I'm also seeing that the mess is part of the magnificent order. It looks like a mess because I can't see the whole picture but it is the only way on the path to the magic.
For example
Last summer we took the family up the canyon for a picnic.
Nate packed hot dogs and marsh mellows and soda pop and one redeeming watermelon thank goodness .
The camp ground was dusty and it was late summer so the scrub oak trees looked dull and tired.
As we ate our high sodium, high fat, highly processed all American meal I wondered if nitrates were as bad for our bodies as I've read. I wondered if high fructose corn syrup was really toxic for the human liver?
If so then why were my kids so healthy?
My husband was determined to have a nice family outing so he didn't let his dull tired wife bring him down.
After our picnic we decided to to take a hike.
We found a trail head and started hiking into the unknown.
A few minutes into the hike it got steep and muddy. We were on the edge of the mountain so sometimes there would be no trees on the downward steep side and we'd be sure to hold the twins hands so they didn't go sliding down the mountain.
I felt my spirits start to rise when I realized all 5 of my kids were great hikers .
The twins were not babies that needed a lot of help or complained and wanted to be carried.
They kept up with the big kids and I was impressed watching their strong coordinated little bodies navigate the trail.
Then we started into a little canyon. I smelled one of my favorite smells.
A mountain stream.
The path lined up next to a happy gurgling stream.
The trees don't look dull and tired here. There are tall green pines and wild columbines and bright red berries growing on low shrubs.
Then we come upon a rope swing some lovely person has rigged up.
It's sturdy and swings long and high.
We swing and swing and swing.
Mess to Magic!
I'm also seeing that the mess is part of the magnificent order. It looks like a mess because I can't see the whole picture but it is the only way on the path to the magic.
For example
Last summer we took the family up the canyon for a picnic.
Nate packed hot dogs and marsh mellows and soda pop and one redeeming watermelon thank goodness .
The camp ground was dusty and it was late summer so the scrub oak trees looked dull and tired.
As we ate our high sodium, high fat, highly processed all American meal I wondered if nitrates were as bad for our bodies as I've read. I wondered if high fructose corn syrup was really toxic for the human liver?
If so then why were my kids so healthy?
My husband was determined to have a nice family outing so he didn't let his dull tired wife bring him down.
After our picnic we decided to to take a hike.
We found a trail head and started hiking into the unknown.
A few minutes into the hike it got steep and muddy. We were on the edge of the mountain so sometimes there would be no trees on the downward steep side and we'd be sure to hold the twins hands so they didn't go sliding down the mountain.
I felt my spirits start to rise when I realized all 5 of my kids were great hikers .
The twins were not babies that needed a lot of help or complained and wanted to be carried.
They kept up with the big kids and I was impressed watching their strong coordinated little bodies navigate the trail.
Then we started into a little canyon. I smelled one of my favorite smells.
A mountain stream.
The path lined up next to a happy gurgling stream.
The trees don't look dull and tired here. There are tall green pines and wild columbines and bright red berries growing on low shrubs.
Then we come upon a rope swing some lovely person has rigged up.
It's sturdy and swings long and high.
We swing and swing and swing.
Mess to Magic!
Gwenyth
Sarah
Luke
Emmaline
kindness + purity + capable = Nathan
Isn't his olive skin pretty?
Yes, it is.
I've just arrived.
I didn't plan on writing about this beautiful day, I just sat down at my computer hoping to go from mess to magic in my head.
Thank you.
Thank you to myself for wanting to get there.
Thank you to who ever and what ever magical divine powers that get me there.
Thank you for all the love in my life that I can roll around and hold in my mind that bring me back.
Energy shifts and speeds up in vibration.
My heart slows and opens.
My eyes blur from grateful tears but finally see clear.
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