bringing the past into the present....20 year high school reunion

School starts tomorrow for us.

 Finally.

I'm tired from all the school shopping, and soccer tournaments of the past few days.  

 I've been glad that we didn't start in August. 

It always feels like we are being robbed of our last few days of summer when school starts in August. 

I woke up this morning depressed and lazy.

 Depressed because  the house was a mess and it was the same messes I'm constantly cleaning up.  

It's really depressing to clean  up the kitchen again and again in the same day and then not have the energy to stay up late to clean it up yet again.

 I get really down on life when the kids stuff is all over the place and just the day before we cleaned and organized and got rid of un needed things.

Before becoming a mom I never realized how much of a downer the constant messes and clean up really are. 

I am glad to be getting back into a schedule. 

Maybe having 3 of them eat lunch at school will keep my kitchen cleaner. 

Maybe I can use that gym membership I'm paying for. 

Maybe I can write a song while the house is quiet. 

It's been a significant weekend.

 Friday I made the kids work side by side with me. 

They couldn't believe I wasn't going to let them play or let anyone come over.

 I give my kids way too much freedom sometimes. 

We went through their toys and clothes and filled the trunk of the van to the brim with things to give away. 

Some of it has felt sad to give away.

 The last remaining baby blankets, not the hand made ones by me or my mom or my grandmas of course. 

Sippy cups. Sarah wouldn't let me get rid of them till she was officially a big school girl. 

Baby toys. My twins are 5 and going into kindergarten. It's time to clear out the closets and kitchen cupboards. 

It's time to pass on what we don't use anymore and make room for all the good things coming our way. Bring our home up to the present day.

 It was hard work but rewarding work. 

Friday night was day one of my 20 year high school reunion.

Interestingly my reunion felt a lot like cleaning out my house.

  Bringing things from the past out into the present and then letting them go.

Rearranging my thoughts and feelings up to what is true and relevant today. 

We met in our high school cafeteria the first night.

I wasn't sure I wanted to go, but some friends talked me into it.

I have recurring bad dreams that I have to go back to high school, that I didn't really graduate. 

I have to go back and retake math or biology.

I've always lost my schedule and I'm rushing to get to the main office to see if they can give me a copy of my schedule. 

Sometimes the bell rings and I don't have a copy of my schedule and I have no idea where to go.

I went to high school before the Internet existed so there is no looking it up on line on my cell phone like kids can do now. 

I'm usually half naked in these horrid dreams. 

No one seems to notice my lack of clothing. 

 Even I don't realize I'm indecent till I'm in a conversation with the teacher in front of the class and I suddenly look down to see I'm exposed.

This is one of the reasons I wanted to go to the reunion, so I could walk the halls fully clothed and repeat out loud.... 

I've graduated. I don't ever have to come back here. 

There is the main office but I don't need to have them print me off a schedule. Remember this!

I'm sure this dream symbolizes all kinds of things from my psyche. 

I think I have some ideas of what it all means. 

I've known these twins since the 4th grade. 

They are just as darling now as they were when we were 9.

I've know Kim since I was 4. My mom used to tend her and her twin sister Miki when we were all little.

So many people told me I look like my mom. I loved hearing that. 

Many of my friends remembered my mom's chocolate chip cookies being the best they've ever had. They also remember her vacuum tracks.....both of these traditions I have not kept up in my home making. 

This was the funnest moment of the weekend. 

Talking and laughing with Stephanie and Meggin.

It was pitch dark, 1:30 a.m. and raining when we took this pic. 

We were laughing so hard. 

The second night of the reunion was a nice dinner at the Snow Bird Cliff  Lodge.
Spouses were invited to this night.  

It brought back so many awkward feelings from high school for me.

I wasn't really one of the cool kids.

I wasn't really a nerd, my grades weren't good enough for that. ;)

I was kind of aloof my first 2 years and then finally my senior year I got involved in things.

I felt kind of....out of place, odd, insecure in high school, like so many people do. 

It's strange how easily these feelings were stirred back up in me.

It was also wonderful to feel so different about myself and my life in the present day. 

It was a jumble of feelings.

I was also shocked at how many people and how much I have forgotten from high school. 

I guess our brains let go of informations we don't need. 

When I  came home the first night at 2 am my husband was waiting up for me.

It felt delicious to curl up with him in my present day, wonderful, safe and loving life.

The words of a Lori Mckenna song describe my feelings that night with Nate perfectly.

"I don't know all the names for the useless burdens in my soul

 but I will lay them down while I lay with you and I'll let them go

feel comfortable 

underneath my skin

can't afford to lose this love we are in"

There is so much more I could say here and maybe I will someday.

I'm still trying to figure it out actually. 

Life marches on....

Tomorrow, back to school for my children and back to work for me.

Work being, getting up early to read and pray like I used to.

Go to the gym when the kids are at school.

Write a song.

Find someone to sing that song to.

Get better at the guitar. 

Take naps.

Watch Oprah.

Get to the store for heaven's sake! 

I woke up this morning depressed and lazy.

I go to bed tonight feeling renewed and reminded of my purpose and my joys.

Tidying up the house, going out to dinner with the family

 and most of all,
back to school father's blessings given to me and the children by Nathan.
 I've been brought me back to myself.
At least for tonight ;)

First day of school pictures coming soon :)