focusing on the joy

I've got to focus on all the joyful fun parts of family life and let a lot of the other parts sink down to the bottom, out of my focus. 

When I keep my focus on the joy and the fun I am hopeful and happy about this family of mine. 

When I focus on the mess and chaos and hurt of family life, I spiral down to

 depression town…

 Not the funnest place to spend my days

 Wandering through the confusing haze

Will they ever learn? 

Will they turn out? 

I don't know, the jury is still out

I try to be the very best mother, but how to do it?

 I am forever a blunder

I bomb the whole night as I break up a fight

I make a healthy dinner that doesn't taste like a winner

I laugh and play with one child while the other one runs wild

I talk to and teach this one while the other one thinks I'm a bad mum

I can't keep them all happy

 I try not to be snappy

I don't focus on the crappy

Because I want to be happy. 

Pardon me, I couldn't resist just going on with that cheesy rhyme.

I went to women's conference in Provo Utah this weekend. It was a feast and a rest for my body and soul. My jeans feel tighter today… but on a happy note my soul feels lighter. Ok, sorry, I'll stop the rhyming. 

Women's conference reminded me of who I want to become and what I want my life to be. 

It reminded me that I want to send out goodness into the world in all the small little ways I know how.

So here is some goodness for today.

Looking back on our Christmas vacation to California.

It's May and I have been meaning to post about this for 4 months!

It love thinking back on it and sharing these beautiful photos.

Let me give you a little back story. One night in October we had Chinese food for dinner. 

I opened my fortune cookie. 

It read, 

"Take a vacation, you will have unexpected gains."

I take things like fortunes in fortune cookies very seriously. Especially the fortunes I like. ;)

I saved this fortune and put  it where I could see it on a little ledge by the kitchen sink.

I thought about it and liked the sound of taking a vacation and the added bonus of unexpected gains.

It sounded interesting.

At the beginning of December Nathan and I were discussing our plans for the Christmas gifts and other plans. We usually take advantage of Nathan's time off work and  head up to our family home in Hyrum Utah after Christmas. We go sledding and slide around on the icy lake. 

As we talked I suggested we give the kids and ourselves a trip to California for Christmas. Maybe use his time off to go some place  warm and sunny.

 Nathan agreed that my idea was brilliant. 

Then we forgot about it for a few days, then we remembered one late night as we were laying in bed. We got on the cell phone laying there in the dark and booked 2 adjoining rooms at our favorite hotel in Laguna Beach.

The day after Christmas we packed up hastily, leaving our house a complete and total Christmas mess. (we came home to a clean house thanks to my dear friend Leilani who took care of our zoo. Thank you Lani!)

We drove the 6 hours to Vegas.

 

The statue of Liberty on the Las Vegas strip

We hadn't made reservations for a hotel in Las Vegas ahead of time so we felt lucky that we found such a nice, new, affordable hotel. 

I could feel the blessings flowing already. The kids hardly fought at all during the 6 hour drive, and then we stumble onto a brand new, hotel with a great price.

It smelled like fresh coffee, pastries and clean sheets. It reminded me of how my grandparent's house smelled. Mmmmmm

After a good sleep and stuffing ourselves to the top on the free breakfast, we hit the road. 

We arrive at our hotel in Laguna Beach. We check in and get our keys, I say "Let's go take our bags to our new house for the week."

I didn't realize when I said House, that I had spoken the literal truth.

As they help us with our bags to what we thought would be our 2 adjoining hotel rooms,

instead of turning left toward the hotel rooms they turn right. 

We follow. 

The bell boy takes us to the front door of a beach house. 

Huh?

What's going on here?

The bell boy just heads up the stairs to put our bags away, the kids go tearing in there all excited about this big house.

As we walk up the stairs, Nate and I exchange baffled happy looks.

As I stand there in this beautiful sun drenched house, I feel a wonderful sensation and realization come over me.

You know those times in life when the veil that separates this world from the spirit world gets really thin?  

When if feels like heaven and all her angels are not far away at all? 

This was one of those times for me. 

As I stand there, I feel the loving, beautiful  presence of my mom's parents and grandparents.  

In life, they all lived in California and loved Laguna beach too. 

 I feel their love for us and their excitement in giving us all such a beautiful surprise.

As I'm soaking up their love, my husband is having the bell boy check our reservation and the price to make sure there isn't a mistake.

No mistake.

No price hike.

This is our house for the next 6 days.

Well thank you very much!

The fortune cookie comes to my mind.

"Take a vacation, there will be un-expected gains"

After the bell boy leaves I call out with joy

"Unexpected gains!"

I can't leave out how God  blesses me as I write the stories of my life. He is the best part.

And so I must tell you, so we can all keep it real and acknowledge that God and his angels are really a part of our every day.

The day before we were set to leave and go home I walked up to the lobby of the hotel.  I wanted to see if the beach house was available for one more day. I just didn't want to leave. The house ended up not being available for one more night. I told the lady how we got the beach house by surprise. She said, "Oh, I see that you reserved two connected rooms but then a few days after your initial reservation you got an upgrade to the beach house. There is no note as to why."

I smiled and silently thanked my my grandparents. :) 

Our family members on the other side really can reach out to us in so many ways. We just have to have the faith to look around and see.

We quickly get our swim suits on and have a perfect day at the beach. I don't know where Luke went while we were posing on the beach? I really do have a son. He isn't in many of these pictures though!:( He was either soaking in the hot tub or playing in the waves. 

Either way, all 7 of us were having fun.

I'm grateful to say the heavenly feeling stayed the whole trip.

 Even after some of my kids got in a fight over something dumb and then said mean things to each other. 

I went in to solve the problem….Instead I lost my temper. Ugh…

It hurts my heart and makes me mad to see my kids fight and hurt each other. Every parent is familiar with this particular kind of pain.  I just made it worse by losing it and handled the situation ALL WRONG. 

 I went into the luxury bed room with the fire warm and beautiful and the sheets clean and cozy…..

All I could feel was, I don't deserve any of this. 

I make the same mistakes over and over. 

I don't deserve any of this.

As I sit there and listen to my husband smoothing things over,

 I feel warmth and love tingling over my head and  body. 

How? How can God love me when I blow it like this after such a wonderful day?

 How could I lose my temper?

Guilt and sadness torture me while at the same time I still feel a physical sensation of love and comfort. 

Nathan comes to bed. He still loves me too. 

Now if I can love me and forgive me, maybe I wouldn't lose my temper in the first place. 

As I think back on this I feel merciful towards myself. 

I'm trying. Parenting is hard to navigate. I feel grateful for a God that understands the intentions or our hearts even when we make mistakes.

The next day we are all recovered and determined to get along.

Storms always blow over, right? ;)

We took the kids to Disney Land sometime during our time in California. 

It had been about 2 years since we had taken the kids to Disney Land. I love that place. 

But just for one day, with a 2 year gap in between. 

Luke hiding from the camera.

The poinsettias were beautiful.

We had to do Splash mountain twice. All but Emmaline. Once was enough to make her cry so she sat out the second time.

 I love the concerned look on Gwenyth's face. I don't know what she was thinking about.

Nate waited in line with the twins for what seemed like 19 hours to meet Micky . 

I had to go sit down and wait for them.

By this time we are all thoroughly exhausted  but the fun wasn't over yet. I have always wanted to eat at the restaurant inside the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Nate was my hero and after waiting in line for an hour, got us the very last reservation at 9:20p.m. We showed up an hour early because we knew the kids weren't going to last. They were able to get us a table earlier. Good luck followed us to Disney Land.  Good thing, we were so tired. Sarah slept through the entire thing. Head on the table, sound asleep. 

Back to beach heaven. 

Nate and some of the kids built elaborate sand castles while I was relaxed.

Don't you want to go to California?

After swimming in the freezing Pacific ocean the fire was the best.

Oh the house was dreamy!

We ate at a favorite spot called  Taco Loco. I snuck a picture of the slightly grumpy taco maker. 

There was a restaurant on the main level of the beach house.  We could look down out our window on the patio and watch the people at the restaurant. It was a fun happy atmosphere. Our anniversary is on December 30th, so on that night we got the kids settled and walked downstairs and had a wonderful dinner. 

I loved being in the house as much as I loved being on the beach. The ocean was so loud I could hear it where ever I was in the house. 

Laguna locals love there dogs. They love there cats too. This is a Maine Coon kitten. So soft!

This was the bathroom in the girls room. 

Ours was huge and had a sky light and a fire place. I couldn't get a good picture of it though.

After being there several days, I was feeling so happy and refreshed.

 I even had a song come to me as I was laying in the bath staring at the patch of blue through the sky light.

I could hear the ocean and then my feelings started to turn into words and a melody.

It felt so good. I haven't written a song in so long. I was getting worried I'd lost the ability. 

It showed me once again that it is worth the expense and work to travel and work to enjoy life.

 It opens my heart and head again and I feel like singing. 

 This is us in our last minute in the Beach house, just before we checked out. 

I can see the love and light that surrounded our family in these pictures.

This trip was such a gift.

I'm so grateful I have a family to ride through this wild life with.  It is hard and I make so many mistakes but it will all be OK in the end. That's was I know. 

It's now just past Easter season. I'm feeling very thankful for the way Spring points our thoughts to renewal and to Christ's resurrection. God is real.

He loves to bless us and give us opportunities for our soul to grow and change for the better. 

He sent His Son to teach us and to save us.

 His Son is why everything will be OK in the end.