the dead of winter to the birth of spring

(one of last summer's performance's)

This song fits this post because I wrote it during the worst of last winter. This winter bit me with the blues even worse!

This winter came in so beautifully with its snow and Christmas cheer, but as it got deeper on into January and February it was like an invisible black hole that seduced me down, down, down into the gray abyss of apathy and lethargy and made me feel like my life was a never ending stream of tedious and tiring obligations. 

It was never going to be sunny, never going to be easy or fun again. 

It was just going to be work and more work. Even the parts of my days and weeks that were fun and rewarding, I only half enjoyed because I believed the story the gray oppressive cap of smog was telling me. 

It's hopeless. You are, everything is, you should give up on everything. 

You are so tired and everything is work and the sleep never lasts long enough, the peace and quiet is gone before you had time to really do what you wanted to do.  

Your house is always going to be this messy and to keep it clean is impossible with 5 kids working against you. 

If you could learn to delegate then that might work but your kids don't respond to your rational delegations of household chores so it's all pretty much hopeless....

This is the sad story that crept into my head and heart this winter. Sometimes I could ignore it and feel really happy, especially during our to California after Christmas! But then we came home and it just keep being cold and ugly and dead  I would remember that my life was all work and the play never lasted long enough to really keep me from falling back into my black hole.

It is now March 4th. By the end of February I started to see the first signs of spring. 

My daffodils were peeking out of the ground. 

One pansy bloomed by my front door. 

The light out side looked different somehow. 

The birds began to chirp again in the morning. 

They stop chirping in January and February for the most part and I'm telling you, not hearing them sing really brings me down. 

I didn't realize how far it brought me down until they started singing again. 

Their happy, early morning conversations makes me feel like there is hope and life in the world again.

So here I am again. I feel like that last bit of foggy sadness has dissipated. 

I didn't realize how thick it was till the sunshine of spring came out and burned it off. Some other great things happened too to bring me out of the gloom but they are for another post.  

 I'm already planning how I am going to prevent such a deep sink of sadness next winter. 

I can't let it suck me down again!

I have things to do. A lot of things to do. 

Now that spring is here I can see that I WANT to do them and secondly, that I CAN do them.

Thank Heavens for spring.

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