procrastinated performance post

I've been reluctant to post, and so very happily doing other things. 

 I'm finally posting about last summer's performances. 

It's been nagging at me long enough, I can't ignore it any longer!

As you might have guessed from my last post, I feel conflicted about this whole performing my songs business I've started. 

It's so fun when things go well and I'm in the right frame of mind. 

It's also time and energy consuming, and not just for me, for everyone I involve in it and our families. Maybe that's why I don't do it much. 

 Perhaps, in a few years, the time in my life, and the time  of my friends/musicians,  will open up a bit, as our kids get a little older? 

Maybe then we can give this music more attention.  

Or, maybe not. 

Maybe I'm so naive to how busy life gets with older kids?

  Either way, I have enough music in my life to keep me semi content. I can write songs when I feel like it, I can sing loud and long while I'm home alone, I can collaborate and record when we all are able to get together. I love it when we all are able to get together. I would love a bit more time for that. Being creative with other musicians feels like play but with the satisfaction and accomplishment that a good day's work gives. 

Good job Kristen. Playing the guitar even though your hands were a shaky mess. 

I feel proud of myself, looking back.

I got myself all nervous about this performance. Mostly because of all the unknown and all that was out of my control. Will the sound system be good? Will I be able to hear myself?  Will the person ahead of me stay within their 20 minutes or will they cut into mine? 

Bottom line, I could hear myself and we could all hear each other, we had enough time. 

We had a good experience.

My name is Kristen Morris on the poster. For singing I like to go by my first and middle name, Kristen Carol. They goofed up. When they emailed me a picture of the poster before the performance, my name and picture wasn't even on it.
Ouch.
I let them know and they fixed it.....and almost got it right ;)

See, look at us, all happy and free.

It took me forever to decide what to wear. I even went shopping and bought some new things.

After all of my struggling I decided on my favorite mom skirt and a t shirt with sandals?

This picture is funny to me. 

I look like I'm yelling "Hey there Buckaroo!"

 I'm not, I'm singing with my emotional intensity. 

So, to recap.

June 15, 2013 I sang at a music and arts festival at a park in Kaysville Utah.

No big deal to anyone but me.

I unnecessarily got myself really nervous about it, but it ended up being a good experience for all 3 of us.

I think what meant the most to me was that Ryan and Bridget seemed to enjoy it and seemed happy and even a little proud to be up there with me, mixing their talents with mine. 

Taking songs and putting our personal twist on them is very enjoyable.

I've been working with Bridget longer than Ryan and thankfully I know she wants to make music with me. 

As I was walking off stage I heard the guitarist for the next singer say to the announcer,

"You don't need to say my name or introduce me, I'm just accompanying her" 

Ouch, that would have hurt me if I were her. 

As Ryan and Bridget were leaving with their families, Ryan gave me a hug and said he was proud to be up there associated with me. 

That was a happy surprise that came out of this performance and it meant a lot to me. 

Bountiful Summerfest International 2013

Now I'll tell you a little about my August shows.

In a nutshell, Friday's show was a bit a of bomb and Saturday's was great. 

I don't think most people thought I bombed but I thought I bombed. 

Mostly because I wasn't enjoying it. For me that is one of the main, most critical aspects of all this. 

Am I enjoying it? If I'm not then something is wrong. The energy of fun can carry any kind of performance, even if my voice cracks or I forget the words. If I'm not having a good time either are the other musicians and either is the audience. 

The picture below is of Friday's performance. 

Reasons I bombed

1. We started an hour late

2. It was hot and I was worried about my mom overheating.

3. Because we started an hour late I had time to start wondering "why am I  doing all this?" 

Is this the best use of my talents and time?"

I have other interests that I'd like to purse, I started to ask God, 30 minutes before I went on, "Are we sure this is the best use of my gifts? Could I pursue my other interests too?" 

Nothing wrong with this question, just not 30 minutes before I go on to perform. 

My brother was in from New York. We were walking around the park right before I went on and he asked me if I was nervous. I said not really but I'm wondering why am I doing this? I don't want to get up there on a stage and talk about myself and sing.

See how we are not smiling. It's because we couldn't hear each other. The sound system wasn't quite right. I couldn't hear my guitar or the cello, I couldn't tell what I was doing on the guitar, I'm not that comfy playing the guitar even when I can hear well. 

I forgot the words on one song and then I was really discombobulated. 

I think all this could be remedied by more experience on stage.....

But, I don't know how or when or if I want to work at being on stage more. 

Bridget gracing my songs with her cello. 

Love.

Ryan, singing and playing like a very cool person.

Almost every single person in this picture is my friend or family member.

This was on the day I bombed so it made it more embarrassing. 

Ryan's wife Emily was smiling huge at me the whole time. It really helped me! Can you see the smiling blond on the second row? 

My dad is in the back with the sunglasses. He helped me stay focused too. 

Nate was frustrated about the sound and the late start and he sat there glaring.
Not glaring at me, just glaring in general.
He was sweet and said I didn't bomb.

That's my very hip brother David in the blue I was talking to before the show.
He said something to me after the performance that went straight to my heart and reorganized my head.
He answered my question I had posed to him before the show.
He said
 " I know why you need to do this. The only way to touch another person's heart is by opening up your own."
He said it with a mixture of sternness, love and a little choke of emotion in his voice.
He is my wise  baby brother who I adore.
I listened to him and felt the truth in his words fix my head up a little.
I wish he lived closer so he could doctor me up more often.

This is us on the second day. 

It was great fun and I KEPT my head in the right place. 

I made sure I remembered how much I love to sing and tell stories and hear my own voice in the microphone singing. 

Does that sound conceited? 

I know I don't feel conceited, I'm just being honest. 

We made sure the sound system was just right and we started on time.

The only thing that would have made it better would be if I had worn my little gold belt so I didn't look like I was swimming in my big boxy shirt. 

I will now end this very long post with this video.

Another singer songwriter posted this on facebook and I thought it put into words how I have felt.

I think it gives some really great advice for anyone starting out in a new venture. 

The End