December 2014

There is so much going on in my head and in my heart and in my life. How can I capture it all on paper? How can I keep up with all the journal entries that I need to record and the miracles and beautifully interwoven, orchestrated, divinely guided relationships, events and footsteps of my life? How can I write a blog post that is from my heart that can translate to yours and do you some good? I don't know. This is my attempt.

I've had this idea in my head for a family picture. Us, standing on the crest of a hill with the bright blue sky behind us…

I found a park b my house with the perfect spot. We took a long and dusty hike to the crest of a steep hill… The clouds rolled in like a gray sheet. The wind blew our hair in our face. My vision for my family picture wasn't materializing. We took the pictures any way because I was determined. I hoped Darin could photo shop a fake blue sky in and I'd just accept our crazy hair.  We hiked back down the hill and took many other poses and family photos. Then we were done. As we were walking back to our car… the sun began to set, the clouds had all cleared away, the air was filled with golden light that was so beautiful, it felt like magic. We spotted a little hill that we easily walked up, posed quickly and Darin captured the picture that had been in my head, making it a physical reality. I was feeling so happy and grateful in this picture. Darin said, "Some one's prayers were answered"

 I knew who's.
Thank you Darin Brunner for being a great photographer.

I call this year's family photo 

"The Golden Blessing!"

The blessings masked as challenges have been plentiful the past couple of months. 

Motherhood. Oh my. It is an adventure that I am sometimes not well equipped for. Dec 1st I fell into the pit of despair. I think it was the combination of the lack of sunshine, colder weather, and most of all, some of my children struggling with life. Stuff I thought we had been making good progress on. It was discouraging and scary. I got so down. The kind of down that I was hoping I'd never be again. I got even more down because I was down again and I guess I had some naive hope that I would never slip that low again. I have been doing so well the past few months and feeling like I have learned so much about life and depression and how to grow out of it and here I was back in it! 

It is now the 12th of December. Things are working out. 

We have been praying, working, praying, getting answers, taking action. Praying, working, praying, getting answers, taking action again and again.  That must be the cycle of life? I love my kids so much. I never knew it would be this intense being a parent though. Heaven is helping me every day and that is the only way I can love it and grow in it too. Nate and I, and my kids are all growing up! Growing pains are part of it. 

I'm helping myself deal with the growing pains by running about once or twice a week. That isn't much but that's all the time I need to give to it to get the benefit from it. I go about 2 to 3 miles and it really helps me feel better in every way. I'm also helping myself by getting together with some dear friends. I love to have the time to sit and talk heart to heart. All other kinds of conversation feel empty, and like the glossy finish over the messy truth. Taking care of myself in these ways and other ways is critical for me. 

Onto the musical part of my life… The Miller's and I did a Christmas Concert on November 29th. We did it at Ryan's studio. It seats about 55 people. It was wonderful. I had to cry and be a basket case with my husband a few hours before the performance. That part of me that hates to put myself out there in any kind of way that implies I'm an entertainer who is now going to give you a show.... well, she freaked out and Nate helped talk her down off the ledge.  The night went so well and we all enjoyed it. The audience loved it too.
Another happy thing. I've been recording songs! Almost done with a 10 song CD. It's only taken almost 4 years…

So my self proclaimed job title, after Mother is,
Musician/Energy worker. They are pretty much a different expression of the same thing…

They both put a light on the truth and clear out old emotion, misunderstanding, and stuff that isn't serving us. Moving it through and out of the body. Ahhhh, you hear the truth, you get the chills, you start to cry, you relax, healing can begin. That is how a beautiful song reaches me and and how receiving energy work feels as well!

 I have had some appointments with people where I practice energetic/emotional massage and Reiki on them. Sound interesting? It is! I work to clear chakras of emotional blocks and then bring in Reiki energy or divinely guided life force energy to calm and relax the person. Relaxation allows the person's own spirit and intelligent body to heal itself. Our bodies are made to heal themselves and I'm like a happy assistant in the process.   I'm learning how I do energy work and what it looks like for me. It has been good! I've known and met some great teachers who have become my friends and  helped me remove some fear blocks that have kept me from using my own gifts. I've taken some classes and will continue to take more.  I have had the chance to work on some people and have had some beautiful experiences that have helped the people I've worked on and have taught me to trust myself.  I'm learning that in my mind's eye I can see things that can't be seen with my physical eyes. I'm seeing a spiritual reality that is all around us that we all can be quite blind to. I'm getting a glimpse of understanding that we are so much more than what we appear to be. It's making me love my Super Hero song all over again. I'm also in love with my song Thread Bare that I wrote a few years ago. It's  a song I wrote about the veil that separates the physical world from the spiritual world, getting thinner and "Thread Bare".  I am finally recording it! I love the way it is turning out! I love the guitar parts that  Ryan Miller has come up with. I wrote it using 2 chords. He has created 2 guitar parts that I love!

This Saturday I'm doing another Christmas "Share"…. (don't say show)
Ryan posted it on Facebook so people could reserve seats. There are only 55 seats and they went fast between our friends. I'm looking forward to it and I'm pretty sure this time I will just enjoy it and not need to cry it out a few hours before.
I hope your December is bringing you joy through the challenges and then more joy!
Merry Christmas!
Love Kristen Carol