October 24th

LIE DOWN IN GREEN PASTURES of Peace. 

Learn to unwind whenever possible, resting in the Presence of your Shepherd. 

This electronic age keeps my children "wired" much of the time, too tense to find Me in the midst of their moments. 

I built into your very being the need for rest. 

How twisted the world has become when people feel guilty about meeting this basic need! 

How much time and energy they waste by being always on the go rather than taking time to seek My direction for their lives.

    I have called you to walk with Me down paths of Peace.

I want you to blaze a trail for others who desire to live in My peaceful Presence. 

I have chosen you less for your strengths than for your weaknesses, which amplify your need for Me. Depend on Me more and more, and I will shower Peace on all your paths.

Psalm 23:1-3; Genesis 2:2-3; Luke 1:79

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

why you came

There is so  much more to us than meets the eye

I'm going to figure it out.

 Sometimes as I try to figure it out I get more puzzle pieces and get information that feels so true. 

Other times I try to figure it out I just get confused and mad. That's when I scrub the toilets and shine the windows and scrub out the fridge. 

As I scrub I get bursts of simplicity and clarity on the simple things that bring me peace and direction and then as I keep scrubbing my friend calls and reminds me that I need to pay the fee so I can go with my daughter on her choir trip as a chaperon.

I would have forgotten and missed out on a chance to love and have fun with my daughter. 

Taking action with the mundane seems to get the wheels moving in all the other parts of life. 

It leads me to the fun stuff and the parts of my life that are magic and meaningful. 

There is so much more to me than I can comprehend at once.

When I sleep my dreams are incredibly detailed and I experience them as an amazing adventure.

I wake up with a haze surrounding the complete story or meaning of the "dream".

I wake up delighted or in awe or laughing with the humor of what I remember of it.

 Where do I really go? 

What am I really doing as I sleep?

 It seems so much more than just dreaming. 

"When we lie down to sleep,our minds are often as bright as an angel… They will range over the earth, visit distant friends, and, for aught we know, the planets, and accomplish great feats; do that which will enhance our happiness…and prepare us for celestial glory; but when we wake in the morning, it is all gone from us; we have forgotten it. …This is right; were it different, where would be the trial of our faith?"

 Brigham Young in Journal of Discourses 1;351-52

Have you ever felt that way when you wake up? 

Like you have just returned from an incredible journey? 

Have you ever felt so tired like you were busy all night as you slept? 

I think if we remembered it fully we wouldn't be able to do our life in this physical dimension. 

I think all that information might drive us mad because it would get lost in translation from the infinite the finite. 

Things can get jumbled up in translation from the infinite to the finite. 

I'm realizing how I am the creator of my reality.

I decide how I'm going to feel and what I'm going to do no matter what I think at the time I really am the one who is in charge.

When I choose and choose and choose and choose to keep only looking for the love , looking for the light. 

Only love only love only love. 

If my eye be single I can see the other as a temporary mirage and not the forever truth. 

Trust yourself.

Trust the personal process of life that you are choosing.

Trust the seeds you have planted.

Trust that it is all working together for your growth. 

Growth is what you want.

It's why you came.

~

So, guess what. My kids aren't intentionally trying to drive me crazy. This is good to remember because my kids drive me crazy so much of the time that it is nice to know they aren't doing it on purpose. Their logic and my logic are just on completely different planets. They think their way of going about things is the best way I know my way is the best way. These differences can lead to all of us driving each other nuts. Just had to get that out there. 

post vacation crash

I just got back from a vacation. There were no children involved. Only the ones in utero. Two of my sister in law's are expecting babies. One at Thanksgiving time and one at Christmas time. The California coast line is so awesome. Getting so relaxed on the beach showed me how uptight I've been. I wonder if I lived on the beach with my family if I could stay more relaxed and happy? Just the sound of the ocean alone is thrilling and calming at the same time. Maybe I wouldn't let my kids drive me crazy if the ocean were right outside my window. Maybe the waves would pull off all my frustrations as they arose. Like now. I have one child who's alarm didn't go off and is still taking their sweeeeeeeet time getting ready. Taking a loooooong shower. Beating eggs and scrambling them. Can't find anything to wear…. I'm trying not to flip out! I'm just going to have to go on my walk and leave this certain child here to get ready in SLO MO before I go crazy. Guess what prospective parents, you will have no control over your children. You will think you should, you will try to find ways to Parent them but in the end you are pretty much at the mercy of there independent will. I can take away privileges but that sure ain't making this kid move it! I'm going to go walk and count my blessings and hope for the best~

summer singing

Over the summer  I was invited to sing my songs at 3 different events. 

In June I went up to our ward's girls camp.  

The Miller's and I played in Logan Canyon before going to sing at girls camp.

I felt dizzy and weak the whole time. I have issues. Physical, emotional, ancestral. 

I was going to sing for people who are so kind and loving and accepting and I was still having weird stuff going on in my body. 

One of these days I must post about all the amazing people and practitioners I've met because of all my physical and emotional issues.

I've learned that our pain and our poor health can take us on a journey that is full of surprising learning experiences and amazing people with gifts to share. 

Baby Tessa is so delightful I can hardly stand it. 

A few minutes before I was to go up and sing and speak I got down on Tessa's blanket with her. I just laid there hoping whatever weird static energy that was stuck in me would be pulled out by the earth. Sweet Tessa snuggled right on me, laying on my chest. It was heaven and just what I needed. 

After the first song all the weird dizzy, pass out feelings evaporated and I had a wonderful time. I shared my heart and felt happy and safe and it was all well received. 

Emmaline and AnnaKate had to deal with their mom giving an hour long "show" and their dad leading a hike through the wind caves while teaching life lessons. They were good sports about it. 

The best thing about singing publicly for me has been how my kids like me more when I do. 

They don't treat me like the naggy mom, 

they treat me like they are proud of me. 

At least for about 15-30 minutes after I perform. I'll take what I can get! It's an awesome 15- 30 minutes. 

The Camp theme was "Together We Can" . 

Well if that doesn't sound like a song I don't know what does. 

I wrote a song for them! I called it "Together" I like it. It was fun to write and fun to sing and has a catchy chorus. 

The girls really seemed to like it. That was really rewarding.  It was really fun to write it and then have Ryan, the worlds sweetest guitarist, play the guitar and make it sound so good. 

 Lately I can't write a song unless I have a really specific reason. 

I take that back.

 I can write a song but I haven't been finishing or polishing any songs these days. 

I write enough of a song that I feel like it got whatever emotion or thoughts were jamming up my head and heart and then I'm done with it. 

I really hope I write and finish songs again. 

I used to really like it. 

In July we had our Morris Family trip to our Hyrum house in Hyrum Utah. 

We have a talent show every year for the kids and some of the funny adults share their "talents" too. 

I'm not funny and I don't know how to be goofy and hilarious so I avoid participating in this family show. This year though, my father in law insisted that I bring my guitar and sing. 

I brought my guitar and it didn't even make me nauseous to look at it in the corner of our room. 

I sang a couple songs in front of our family. I care about what they think so its much harder for me to sing for people I love than for people I don't know. I'd way rather sing for strangers than for family. 

I think I've made some kind of progress because It didn't make me queasy.

 I just sang and sounded good enough even with mistakes and it was fine. 

The last place I sang was at a social we had for church. 

Ryan was so sweet and brought over his nice speaker and other technical equipment. I was bummed he couldn't just come and play the guitar for me but he was playing at another party that night. 

My daughter Emmaline saved the day. While I played the guitar she played the ukulele and harmonized and totally relived me of the uncomfortable feeling of being on display "performing" 

If I could just be more like my daughter Emmaline. 

She shares her talents with happy grace. 

What a love she is. 

With the kids home and being out of town on vacations and then to have my health tank in August, 

this was all I did in the way of singing and performing this summer. 

It was enough. 

I have spent some time worrying that I'm not doing enough, that I'm somehow a slacker or a failure. 

My mom reassured me today that I'm doing what I feel I need to do each day. 

That really is the truth.

She totally saved the day when she called and basically answered all the questions I'd asked of God that morning. 

Thank heaven for inspired mothers. 

One day when I'm feeling really techy I'm going to figure out how to post my song "Together" on sound cloud and then I'll share it with you. 

General Conference

This weekend is General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
I watched it all day Saturday and will watch again all day Sunday.

It is food for my soul, mind, heart. It is fuel and peace and comfort for my life. It is a heavenly pep talk while I rest from the work of life. It gives me the rest and the motivation to get back up, go back out and live my life closer to Christ. I study and listen over and over for the next 6 months until the next conference.

seeing my voice

The voice I found 5 years ago I seem to have placed on a shelf… for the most part.  It was a gift I so enthusiastically and gratefully developed when I was 36 and now that I'm 41 I'm wondering what I do next?

Life's responsibilities and quandaries and my own health has taken all my time and energy. 

I don't really have the heart to sing and write the way I did 5 years ago or even 2 years ago.  

My brain has been in a bit of a fog. Between the health issues and my own questions and puzzles I've been feeling like I'm wandering through a dark forest. There are some beautiful things to be enjoyed in this dark forest but I sure feel lost sometimes. 

Hopefully, it feels like my energy is starting to come back and I think I've found the help and answers I need get back to feeling healthy again. 

Maybe I'll feel creative again. 

Maybe I'll feel like I can concentrate long enough to re-learn all I have forgotten on the guitar and ukulele.

 I'm feeling the desire to complain about my lack of talent and memory when it comes to playing musical instruments. 

I'd like to complain that I don't have time because of my kids and the way they drop everything on the floor then go to school and then come home and drop more things on the floor and leave dishes and food everywhere and then they have all these needs and they need me to take them to the store and then they get sick and they need Popsicles and soup and for me to take them to the doctor. 

I'd like to complain that I'm not that good at delegating and getting my kids to help and that I'm not that organized and I have too much stuff that I don't know how to keep it all in the right places. 

I'd like to complain but I'm turning a new leaf and only thinking positive thoughts and having hope for the future and keeping all this in perspective because in the eternal scheme of things whats a few dishes in the sink and kids stuff all over the floor. Right? No big deal. First world problems. I can just focus on gratitude and flowers and rainbows and chocolate and just do yoga and meditate and pray all day long and all night long and leave the big messy house and go to lunch with my awesome girl friends all day. Right? Right. 

I'm trying to figure life out right now.

I'm trying to figure out what the heck my body needs to feel good. 

I'm trying to hear God everyday. 

I'm trying to find the right balance in my life. How much time do I devote to all that I know I want to do and learn? How do I do it and still keep my house in order and my kids loved? 

As you can see, these are hard math problems and I'm lost. 

I'm making light of my journey so I can just move on. 

There is so much I have been learning and doing and struggling with. 

I want to be true to myself right now and give myself credit for the deep things I've been learning and strugling to learn. 

It's no joke but it helps to laugh about it. 

I finished my 10 song CD in march and put it on iTunes July 1, 2015.

You can go buy it. 

I loved making it. 

I love the people I made it with. 

I like the pretty cover my best friend designed. 

I'd like to write more songs and record but I just haven't had the desire.

My mind and heart has been very much focused on where our world is headed.

Where is our world headed? Where is America headed? 

What is going on and why do things feel intense? 

Why do we all disagree so much? How can we feel and think so differently about the same situations and problems? 

I don't get it. 

I'm headed to the beach soon and I really need it.

The ocean can reprogram my brain and set it to 

"Be calm. You don't know anything but that's ok"

Maybe that will be my next song.

Love,

Kristen