the Kristen carol: did you wonder if I was ever coming back?

I can tell when I haven't blogged in a while. I turn everything I'm doing into a blog post in my head. I write blog posts in my head for days until I have a head ache and I can't take it any more I have to type a for real blog post! I've been too busy and crazy to blog the past 11 days. I've been sending my demo off into the big wide world and it has made me feel so vulnerable. Mostly though, it's made me feel a sense of closure..... like I've handed my homework in and there is nothing I can do now but relax. That feels good.

Can I just say thanks to my friends who have listened to my demo and been so kind. I really appreciate it! Thank you so much and I love you!

It was daylight savings today. We turned our clock back and hour and this day just won't end. At 6:40p.m. I was exhausted and feeling like it was time to get the wild kids in bed. That's what I'm going to do now. I'll be back and tell you how it went. Nate is out of town so It's all me baby! When he is gone and I'm not waiting around for him to save me I get the kids down way faster anyway. Nate takes good care of me so sometimes when he is around I get lazy and wait for my bedtime hero to rescue me from the bedtime rebels. This can result in the kids getting to bed an hour and a half late because the bedtime hero likes to stop and watch the game as he is puts the bedtime rebels to bed....

I'm back. I was efficient but I don't know if I was nice enough. Luke said I say everything in a mean voice. Hmmmmm. I tried to explain I say things nice the first 10 times but nobody listens to nice mom so I have to get serious and talk in my I mean business voice. He said. "Then how come I never hear you say it in a nice voice?" then I tried to say again.... nobody listens nobody hears my nice voice... He didn't buy it. He just put the blankets over his head and said again he never heard me say it nice. This might sound funny but honestly this is the struggle of my life as a mother. Trying to find the right balance between being loving, kind, patient, long suffering, selfless but at the same time setting limits, boundaries, rules and consequences for my children. I really feel like I mess up a lot. I can crack the whip and get my kids moving in a hurry but then they just think I'm a meany. I don't think I'm being mean. It think I'm being firm and setting limits and not letting my kids walk all over me... but maybe I'm just mean. Am I ever going to figure this out or am I going to raise my kids and be a confused wreck the whole time. Are they are just going to grow up and have to forgive me when they have their own wild children? Oh the circle of life. I would really like to get a report card from Heavenly Father on what he thinks of my mothering tactics. Even if he gave me all F's at least I'd know for sure I was doing it wrong. This is the main reason I get baby hungry. You don't have to discipline a baby. You just love and hold and treasure and nurse and change poopies. I would give myself all A's in the taking care of infants department. I had the sweetest sleepiest babies. I could solve all their problems. I could nurse them and wrap them up just right and put them to bed. They were mine and I was theirs. Now we just make each other mad. I'm mad because I've been saying for the past 10 years "put your shoes away, make your bed, don't eat on the carpet, don't throw your gum on the floor, flush the toilet, talk nice, eat your dinner." I guess they are mad because I don't give them everything they want like when they were babies. I think also they are mad because they don't want to share me with their siblings. Well, if you came here for answers to life's hard questions, sorry, not today.

So, I've been thinking it's high time I sing you a song. I sit and type about these genius songs I make up in the shower and yet I never sing them for anyone but myself. I can't sing for you right this minute because I'll wake up 4 of my kids and disturb Emmaline while she does her homework. I feel like singing loud and mad right now so you know I better let that pass and I'll sing for you when the kids are at school.

And now for a truck load of pictures.

Pre-school field trip to the pumpkin patch. No Gwenyth in the picture because she said it was so embarrassing and she was too shy.

The bedtime hero is also the pumpkin carving hero. I do not enjoy carving pumpkins but never fear, Nate does. Or maybe he doesn't but he never complains.

AnnaKate working hard

Luke getting grossed out by pumpkin innards

Sarah is just cute

What a happy October it's been

This is the only picture I got of them all together in their costumes. Emmaline was a princess. AnnaKate was a pirate. Luke was a soccer player on this day but on the day of the school parade he was a ninja turtle. He got mad at me because he said everyone thought he was just a regular turtle! Halloween night he was a soccer player to avoid being mistake for just a regular turtle. Sarah and Gwenyth were cute little witches for their pre-school Halloween party. When we dressed up for my parents Halloween party they were snow white and a ballerina. Sarah was even a cow girl for another party. We've acquired a lot of costumes.

Let's keep this straight. He is a Ninja turtle and not a regular turtle.

Can you tell Gwen is freaked out? One of AnnaKate's friend's had scary face paint and talked to Gwen and scared her. The twins aren't in Kindergarten yet but AK's teacher let them parade and go to the class party. Gwen became desensitized to all the scary face paint after a while and had a great time.