I graduated from college with a degree in Human Development.
Humans.
They fascinate me.
Since I'm the human I'm with all the time, I fascinate myself.
Why do I feel all these intense emotions?
Why do I think these many tangled up thoughts?
Why do I do what I do?
Before becoming human I can imagine myself hurling through space towards earth as a big vaporous, electric soul. I'm sure I was so excited to have a human experience.
I'm sure I had been studying humans for eons and I couldn't wait to be one and have my own human experience.
As a child I remember observing my older sister and taking notes of what to do and what not to do. Observing, watching and eavesdropping on adults was also a favorite pass time.
My parent used to call me flappy ears because I was always trying to listen to their quiet adult conversations.
By the time I went to college I was still interested in people.
At the timeI was interested in human development so I could be a better mother.
I was hoping it would help me figure out how to raise humans.
I was most interested in early childhood development.
These days I'm most interested in how middle aged, hormonally imbalanced, human women develop.
I'm finding it to be very interesting.
Very confusing.
Humans.
They fascinate me.
Since I'm the human I'm with all the time, I fascinate myself.
Why do I feel all these intense emotions?
Why do I think these many tangled up thoughts?
Why do I do what I do?
Before becoming human I can imagine myself hurling through space towards earth as a big vaporous, electric soul. I'm sure I was so excited to have a human experience.
I'm sure I had been studying humans for eons and I couldn't wait to be one and have my own human experience.
As a child I remember observing my older sister and taking notes of what to do and what not to do. Observing, watching and eavesdropping on adults was also a favorite pass time.
My parent used to call me flappy ears because I was always trying to listen to their quiet adult conversations.
By the time I went to college I was still interested in people.
At the timeI was interested in human development so I could be a better mother.
I was hoping it would help me figure out how to raise humans.
I was most interested in early childhood development.
These days I'm most interested in how middle aged, hormonally imbalanced, human women develop.
I'm finding it to be very interesting.
Very confusing.
Observing my own life and development is teaching me more than any college degree.
A recent observation has been that I used to think I'd hate working out at a gym where I would have to be seen by other people. What sounded especially awful was taking the yoga or Pilates classes with a room full of people who might look at me as I struggle to do it right.
It has turned out to be the opposite.
The classes are my favorite. I love being in a room full of people who are focused on the same thing.
It amplifies my own focus. I feed off everyone else's determination. It makes me push myself way harder than I ever would alone.
I'm sure many of you know this already but it has been a happy discovery for me.
I wonder what else I think I hate but really I love?
A recent observation has been that I used to think I'd hate working out at a gym where I would have to be seen by other people. What sounded especially awful was taking the yoga or Pilates classes with a room full of people who might look at me as I struggle to do it right.
It has turned out to be the opposite.
The classes are my favorite. I love being in a room full of people who are focused on the same thing.
It amplifies my own focus. I feed off everyone else's determination. It makes me push myself way harder than I ever would alone.
I'm sure many of you know this already but it has been a happy discovery for me.
I wonder what else I think I hate but really I love?
I used to think I'd hate singing solo's. Especially the thought of standing alone in front of a microphone. That thought 2 years ago made me sick with anxiety.
Now the opposite is true.
Hearing my own voice amplified gives me a rush........
I can't believe I just typed that. I sound self centered and power hungry. Maybe I am. I am the human I'm studying and observing so that makes me self centered and I do have a desire to have a voice that can be heard in this big world.
Now the opposite is true.
Hearing my own voice amplified gives me a rush........
I can't believe I just typed that. I sound self centered and power hungry. Maybe I am. I am the human I'm studying and observing so that makes me self centered and I do have a desire to have a voice that can be heard in this big world.
I've bought all kinds of guitar accessories. I hope I have some place to use them. I bought an amp, michropone, mic stand, guitar stand, soft guitar case that can be worn like a back pack. Had my guitar fitted so it can be plugged into an amp. My little musical passion is getting expensive.
I had a fun opportunity to sing for our youth group at church.
I sang Jesus Savior Pilot me.
The young men's youth leader is also a pilot for Delta Airlines.
He took the kids 4 at time up in a little plane over their house and over the temple.
The theme was UP. Look up, live up, Arise and shine up.
The air plane ride was a physical experience of gaining a higher perspective that was meant to teach them to get a higher perspective spiritually of themselves and of their own lives.
A higher perspective can help us all make better, truer judgments about ourselves and our decisions about our life.
I had a fun opportunity to sing for our youth group at church.
I sang Jesus Savior Pilot me.
The young men's youth leader is also a pilot for Delta Airlines.
He took the kids 4 at time up in a little plane over their house and over the temple.
The theme was UP. Look up, live up, Arise and shine up.
The air plane ride was a physical experience of gaining a higher perspective that was meant to teach them to get a higher perspective spiritually of themselves and of their own lives.
A higher perspective can help us all make better, truer judgments about ourselves and our decisions about our life.
My other most recent opportunity to sing was for a family home evening with several of the families in my neighborhood.
My friend asked me to come sing for her family home evening. I thought it would be her family of 3 and her foreign exchange student from Japan.
We get there 30 min late and there is a room full of people she had invited.
To be honest I was happy there was a room full of people to sing to (although I felt bad for being late) When I sing for a bigger group verses a couple of people it amplifies my focus. I play better, I sing better, I remember the words better.
I sang the one song I had sung for the youth and then they wanted more.
I was un prepared and I've forgotten most of my songs. Isn't that sad?
After I've gone through the process of writing a song they have served their purpose for me and I really don't want to sing them over and over.
Well I wish I would have had a few practiced up and fresh in my mind.
I sang a few and really enjoyed the night.
I've been practicing so I'll be ready for the next surprise attack ;)
My friend asked me to come sing for her family home evening. I thought it would be her family of 3 and her foreign exchange student from Japan.
We get there 30 min late and there is a room full of people she had invited.
To be honest I was happy there was a room full of people to sing to (although I felt bad for being late) When I sing for a bigger group verses a couple of people it amplifies my focus. I play better, I sing better, I remember the words better.
I sang the one song I had sung for the youth and then they wanted more.
I was un prepared and I've forgotten most of my songs. Isn't that sad?
After I've gone through the process of writing a song they have served their purpose for me and I really don't want to sing them over and over.
Well I wish I would have had a few practiced up and fresh in my mind.
I sang a few and really enjoyed the night.
I've been practicing so I'll be ready for the next surprise attack ;)
If this post seems long and discombobulated it's because it is.
I have had it partially done for days and days and haven't had time to finish my thoughts and publish them.
I have lots more I want to tell you.
I had soooooooo much fun last Friday.
This Friday I'm going to have sooooooo much fun again.
I'll take pictures and post about it! For real, I will.
Have a great day. Hope you haven't given up on me and my sporadic blog and random ramblings.
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