3 years ago my dear husband Nate started this blog. He heard that all the sister in laws had a blog and I was the only slacker who didn't. I told him no way, if you want a blog you're going to have to do it yourself. So he did. It wasn't long before I warmed up to the idea and blogged a bit. Then I started working on my voice and discovered I could write songs. (how could I not have known about this before the age of 36?) Then the inside of my brain started morphing. I lost weight. I lost sleep. My head was always in the clouds. I felt like I had a secret life. It was just me, myself and God. 2010 really felt like I was living in wonderland. I felt like Alice. I felt like I was the only one seeing the white rabbit. I learned so much about myself that I thought I already knew. I learned so much about God my Heavenly Father that I thought I already understood. I honestly will never be the same. I can never go back to the way I used to be or the way I used to think. I feel like the inside of my brain is literally physically different. My vocal chords are stronger and more coordinated, I'm gaining confidence a little at a time. I am filled with gratitude for how life is made to teach us and stretch us and life eventually makes you face down your fears one at a time. I'm not near done facing down my fears. I am getting started though. I finally feel like I might be a grown up, or at least moving in that direction. I think mid life crisis' are a real thing. I think they are a really good thing. I know lots of friend in their late 30's early 40's that are in the middle of their mid life crisis. Mine is going pretty well. The lows are low and the fear can be intense but the highs are so worth it and the things that I'm learning are incredibly valuable to me. Am I making sense? Saying I'm having a mid life crisis is mis leading. A year and a half ago I was really happy with my life. I was living my dream. My dream has always been to fall in love with a man that was good and kind and right for me. Check. Then have 8 kids because I knew I was going to excell at mother hood in a big way. By the time I was pregnant with my second I realized I'd overestimated my prowess as a mother. How in the world is one supposed to be sick and pregnant AND take care of a toddler??? So I made it to 5 kids. I got to cheat on the last 2. They came as twins. I'm thrilled I have my 5 children. Every day I pray and strive to be the mother they need and deserve. I really did not think I was a canidate for a mid life crisis. My life was just exactly like I'd hoped. My mid life crisis was brought on by one little prayer. "Please give me an opportunity to sing at church. I'll say yes to anyone who asks me, even if it's a solo" The goal I had for myself was to eventually be brave enough to sing a solo in Sacrament Meeting in the microphone! That truly was the extent of my goal and vision for myself. I talk to Heavenly Father a lot. I pray a lot. But mostly I feel like I just have a running conversation with him all day every day. He guides me, corrects me and adds His opinion to my thoughts. Does He have an opinion? No, I think he just has truth............he adds His truth to my thoughts. I had no idea that Heavenly Father would have so much to say on the whole singing topic. Wo! This mid life crisis was God induced. I had no plan to try and shake my life up. Well now I'm just taking each little step I need to take to create the woman I want to be and to create the woman that God wants me to be. I'm doing it! I can't turn back now. I've lost 14lbs and hours of sleep. I've cried and been so freaked out but I've felt such incredible love and joy. The kind of love and joy that comes from God. There is NOTHING better in this whole world than God's love. Today has been one of those incredible high days. Yesterday was pretty awesome too. The day before that though was a low. I was upset and couldn't stop crying. Luckily I went to my Aunt Janeal and had a massage/cranial sacral/ therapy session. The woman is amazing.
I have wanted to rename my blog. Nate named this one. I wanted to name it something more fitting to what I'm doing and who I am. I really like my new name and address. I think I love my new name and address. I can't wait to post on my new blog but I just have been so busy! What the heck?! My goal every week is to see how much nothing I have on my calender. That goal hasn't worked out so well recently. Root canal's and eye appointments, soccer games and other stuff have been making things hectic. The laundry is all backed up again. :(
This will be the last post on this address. My new address is.....................
this.
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