I don't want to live a virtual life, I want a real one

I am really good at day dreaming. I have a vivid imagination. Some of the dreams I have at night are better than movies. I have dreams where I'm not even in them, I just watch them like a movie. I have dreams where I am different characters. Sometimes I know I'm playing a character and other times I really think I'm a totally different person. My last dream where I wasn't even me went like this.

 I was a scrawny, blonde, 19 year old college boy. I was a computer nerd/genius and the big jocks were jealous of my skills. They were busting into our frat house to beat me and all my smart friends up. It was scary.

Before 2010 I never thought I was creative. The only time I ever thought I was creative was in my sleeping dreams. I have thought over the years, I must have creativity in me somewhere since my dreams are such a crazy, vivid, real experience.  Now that I have found a use for all my day dreaming and conversations in my head I'm starting to see my own creative abilities. I have been really happy and grateful for this discovery.

Sometimes I can daydream up such great and fun stories for my life. It is so satisfying I don't even want to try to do it in my real life. That would be too real and out of my control and have all the elements of reality that make it scary.  BUT..................... I don't want just a "virtual reality" life.  I want a real one. That is why I forced myself to go to another open mic night even though it makes me sweaty and nervous.  That is why I force myself to keep practicing on the guitar even though it hurts my fingers and I think I'm slow at it. That's why I keep doing my vocal exercises even though I still crack and sound bad at times. That's why I keep trying to face my fears a little at a time in an effort  to gain some confidence.

This morning at breakfast  Nate made crepes. I was trying to tell my family about how my second open mic went last night. They didn't seem that interested. They changed the subject to who did or didn't make it to the top ten on American Idol. I told my husband I sang the love song I wrote for him. He looked a little dazed and tired as he tried to act interested. Poor guy. He played church basketball this morning and we all know how intense church ball can get.  All that pent up testosterone being released on the court. I can't believe I let him take Gwenyth. Whatever, I had fun last night. It's ok that they aren't that intersted. Nate doesn't make me listen to every detail of the last Jazz game so I say we're even and being respectful of our different interests.  Plus I knew that I could blog all about it and post pictures and type every detail!!!

If you would have just witnessesd and heard the hour and 1/2 of screaming and girl shenanagens that I just had to endure your jaw would drop! Unless you have little girls, then you would know it was a normal every day ocurrance and  that it comes with the territory. I had to brush out AnnaKate's hair. It's past her waist and hasn't been brushed well in at least 5 days. I stongly encouraged her to take a shower before the birthday party. Then I brushed it out. It only took 30 minutes. It's a good thing my arms are so long. After a ridiclulous amount of freaking out because things weren't working out exactly as she planned, AnnaKate, Gwenyth, and Sarah are at the party!!!  Emmaline, Luke and Daddy went skiing. Skiing will be the next fear I conquer.  I think I'll save that one for next winter.  I don't want to give myself a nervous breakdown.

I didn't take any pictures of all the chaos that happened at home. Emmaline and Luke and Nate had a great time!