Open mike............and a story about me and Lori Mckenna

This is Jason Miller.  He is from Scotland. He moved here when he was 18.  He has an awesome Scottish accent.  He talks like a regular old boring American most of the time though so people don't get "distracted" by his accent.  I told him maybe we want to get distracted by his Scottish accent and it's a crime to cover it up with a boring American one!  OK, well I didn't exactly say that, but I think if I could talk like that I'd never cover it up!!!  Jason chooses not to sing, he plays the guitar like some kind of crazy guitar master.  He says he can't sing. I gave him and his daughter a light lecture on the fact that anyone can learn to sing and all of us can improve our singing voices. (see singingsuccess.com)

This is Jason's daughter Emily.  She is only 13 years old.  See her hands? She play the piano with passion. I am so glad Emily comes. We were the only girls last time.  My songs are from my feminine perspective so I took a lot of comfort in Emily listening and understanding more what I'm singing about.

This is Rob.  He writes beautiful songs on his guitar. In fact I can't believe I have the guts to play my guitar in front of these guys. They are really nice though and tell me I'll get better.

 They all said they were coming back to the next open mic on March 18th,  So if any of you who are reading this decide to come listen, this is the 6 of us that will be there and maybe some others. I don't know.   400 East 100 North in  Bountiful at the Bountiful Community of Christ Church. 7:30 pm


Now I'll continue a story from my last post. It happened about 5 or so years ago

 I really like telling stories, even if I'm not sure who is reading them.   OK, so I'm in the pit of despair, So, I make a plan to get myself out of the pit.

1. Draw close to God. Pray for peace and understanding about the confusing hard situation my loved one was in.
2. Write in a journal again. It had been years since I'd written in a journal.
3. Take walks and hikes.
4. Pursue an interest.

My four step plan worked. Heavenly Father really did and still does give me peace and understanding about this interesting situation in my loved one's life. Humbling myself and going to Him was and is the key to my happiness.  I started feeling better and better. Writing in my journal for the pure intent of just cleansing negative thoughts and giving myself therapy really helped. I didn't write in my journal to keep an accurate history of my life or inspire my kids someday when I'm dead and gone or any other noble reason. I wrote purely for myself. In fact I wrote in pencil and gave myself permission to erase or burn anything I wanted.  I also got my guitar out of the basement and found a place to take lessons. I had bought my guitar when I was about 22. I had taught myself a little but never really got serious. Anyway I have always loved listening to the guitar and wished I could play. So now I'm finally getting to the Lori Mckenna part.  Wow, I took the long way around for sure. (if you didn't read my last post, Jim, my friend at the open mic told me last week, my songs and style remind him of Lori Mckenna. Lori Mckenna happens to be my hero, mentor, idol, and imaginary friend. You can imagine how happy that made me)

 A little more than 5 years ago, I'm at home in my kitchen. I have Oprah on in the family room and I'm kind of watching while I clean. It's a show with Faith Hill and her new album. Some of her songs on her record are written by Lori Mckenna. Faith Hill loved Lori Mckenna and her songs and wanted her to come on Oprah with her


. So Here is Lori, this stay at home mom of 3 little boys. She sings Ruby's Shoes to Oprah and talks a little about herself.  I am standing in my kitchen crying. I feel incredibly proud of her. I feel like if she would have been my own sister I couldn't have been more proud of her. I love her voice, songs, persona. I love her. I feel like I understand her and know what her life is like because I am also a stay at home mother of 3 little children.  I also felt this sad ache. I didn't know why. I just felt this longing.

I thought a lot about Lori Mckenna after this. I think some of why I felt sad was because I loved music and I loved the guitar but I was a scared baby that hid in her room to practice the guitar and sang really soft so no one would hear. I felt sad because I knew I could never do what Lori was doing. I didn't know how to play the guitar. I didn't know how to sing.....(you know, like, radio sing. I could church sing but not radio sing)  I didn't know how to write songs. And the biggest.............I was full of fear when it came to singing in front of anyone.  Then I felt really confused with myself..........why would I want to do what Lori was doing? I had never had hopes of being a musician. I had never had hopes of writing songs. Why would I? I was living my dream. My dream was to be a happy wife and a wonderful mother, just like my mom. It was a strange mixture of emotions and a confusing mixture of thoughts.

One night I was practicing the guitar.  I was bored with it. I kind of found learning the guitar boring and hard. I wondered to myself..................."could I write a song?"  Then I tried. I Played 3 chords around and around. Heard a melody in my head that could go with it. Started singing the words that were on my mind.  I worked on this little song for 2 or 3 nights. I thought it was a fun and rewarding process. I assumed the song was no good, but it was still a really fun process.

Then this happened.  I started to have these thoughts and feelings about my little song. The thoughts were..............."Why would you be able to write a decent song?" ...................."Why would you want to?"  "Your gutless. Who would you even sing it for?" .........."It's a dumb song anyway"
Then I start to feel embarrassed for even trying.................I feel glad this song is written in my journal and nobody knows I even tried.  I honestly started to feel ashamed that I even tried to write a song.
I don't finish the song and I don't try to write another one.

Soon after this I find that I'm pregnant with twins! I quit guitar because I get bad carpel tunnel in my hands and varicose veins in my legs and it just hurts too much to play the guitar. My guitar goes in my basement for the next 4 years.  The twins have pretty much monopolized  my life since I was about 4 months pregnant with them.

Last night I couldn't fall asleep because I was finishing this post in my head in bed. Now I'm drawing a blank. Where did I want to go with this? Why was I telling you this story? ..............Hum.

Well I'm writing a book here.  I would like to go on with the lesson's I learned from this experience but I'm dying to tell you what I did Saturday!!!! I think I'll do both on my next post since this one is long......again.....


P.S. All my family pictures are done by my Aunt LeeAnn Samsel.